Singing Bird Holistic Health Coaching

Where In Your Life Are You Settling?

I was going to title this article, “Are You Settling?” But when I started thinking about it more, I realized that most of us are settling in one way or another. For some, it may be in a larger arena, like in a job, career or relationship. For others, it may be smaller and less noticeable, like not fixing or replacing your car, dealing with little things breaking down, or replacing your wardrobe when it feels outdated and misaligned with who you are.

So what does it mean to “settle”? I think we have all used this term, or at least heard it, a few times in our life. “Oh, she’s totally settling by staying with him.” I’d like to start by sharing my definition of settling with you.

First off, what is NOT settling? Expressing acceptance and gratitude for where you are now is NOT settling. Being grateful for all the gifts you have in your life right now doesn’t mean that you don’t want to change them. This is a big fallacy in our culture; this belief that in order to seek change you have to be unhappy with where you are currently.

The natural state of the universe is expansion. If we allow ourselves to tap into universal flow, we will want to expand and grow and multiply with ease. The seed of the mighty oak doesn’t need to hate being a seed in order to grow into the majestic tree; that’s simply what it is programmed to do.

You and I are no different; we too are programmed for growth. But somewhere along the line we accepted this crazy notion that joy and gratitude will lead to stagnation.

If I decide to start loving my body as it is right now, I won’t be motivated to work out or eat healthy.

If I find joy in my current job I will lose the drive to look for something else.

Have you bought into these ideas? I know I have in the past.

Making the decision to accept and be happy in your current situation isn’t settling.

So then what is?

Settling is normalizing something that isn’t working in your life, and cutting yourself off from the possibility of changing that thing.

I realize this is a fine line because normalizing sounds an awful lot like accepting. But the big difference is that you can accept and be grateful for where you are now, and still seek change. Desire growth and expansion. By tapping into joy and gratitude within the present moment you are tapping into the universal flow.

Normalizing a crappy situation doesn’t find the joy and gratitude in the present moment. It says, “I will deal with it even though it’s not what I want”, and even more importantly, in settling and normalizing you give your power away. You stop believing that you are the creator of your own life. You deal with non-ideal situations and people and things because you think it’s all that you can get, all that you are worthy of.

Settling is sitting back and taking what’s given. It’s passive instead of creative. To be honest, settling is the easy way out. It takes the entire onus off of you. I know for a fact that it is a lot easier to stay in a well-paying job that you dread going to than forging your own path. It may suck your soul dry, but it feels less fraught with risk and uncertainty. There are lots of big, hairy gremlins that you don’t need to look in the eye when you settle.

And that’s the crux.

Settling is making a decision that is based in fear and it leads to stagnation.

By choosing to settle, you are saying to the universe “I am not up to the task of creating my own life”. You would rather leave that to someone else. When you do that enough, little pieces of your soul will start to whither off and die. It sounds extreme, but it is true. I know it, and I have a strong suspicion that you do too.

If you are ready, I want to help you to stop settling. I have been where you are now, and I know it isn’t an easy choice. But stepping up and saying that you value your own life and contribution on this planet is THE MOST empowering choice that you can ever make. Schedule your Discovery Session today and get ready to step into a fulfilled life.

 

Take Off Those Shoes!!

Hi lovelies! In today’s video blog I am sharing one of my favorite grounding practices with you. This is a great way to connect to mama earth and your wild ancestors, and it comes with a host of other physical benefits as well!

What I Have Learned in the Last Year from Being My Own Boss

One year ago, I pulled the trigger. Figuratively speaking, of course. I left a job that I had been at for three years, in an industry I had been working in for 8 years, to go out on my own and build a business on my terms. I took Singing Bird HHC full-time.

In this newsletter, I wanted to commemorate and celebrate my one-year anniversary, and also share some of the lessons that I have learned along the way.

When I decided to go out on my own with my coaching business, I had no idea what to expect. To be honest, I had absolutely NO IDEA how to run a business. I figured I was a pretty smart cookie with a background in marketing…how hard could it be?

Ha.

It has been hard in a way that I wasn’t expecting. You are prepared for it to take time to get everything off the ground. You expect to make certain sacrifices in the meantime. What I wasn’t prepared for was the amazingly monumental transformation in myself.

I didn’t realize how all of my beliefs about myself and what I was capable of and what is possible in life and even the very nature of the Universe and the Divine would play such a huge role. Starting a business has a way of magnifying everything and bringing it out into the light. Beliefs that you thought you shed a long time ago? Oh, here they are again in a new form. I feel like I have come to know myself more in the last year than in the past 30+ combined, while simultaneously also transforming into a new version of myself.

And that kind of no-holds-barred navel-gazing can be really uncomfortable.

I also read. A lot. No joke, I probably read at least 30 books if not more. I filled my mind up with all kinds of stuff, got that “YES, this is truth!” feeling, implemented it into my own life only to realize it no longer felt authentic and true for me. Life is a process. I took what worked for me and discarded the rest, from business advice, to ways of eating, to spiritual practices. (As an aside, if you ever need life-changing book recommendations…I am your gal!)

I am still searching…for something…I am not even sure exactly what it is, and I have come to realize that I probably always will be. I am trying to be okay with that. Those pesky gray areas!!

I learned so much over the past year, but I will try to boil it down into a few little nuggets. Here goes!

1. Focus more on being than doing. – This is a big one that I keep coming back to. When you go to work for yourself, there is suddenly all this added pressure to perform that I didn’t feel in my previous career. I would feel like it’s all on me and that I had to be doing something at all times in order to be productive.

I would get an idea then jump immediately into creating and implementing it. I didn’t give myself any time to just sit and be with it. See how it felt. Listen to my own inner wisdom and ask for guidance if needed.

I liken it to planting a garden. I would plant my seed, or idea, but I didn’t allow it time to germinate in the soil. I wanted to reap the fruit of a full-grown plant immediately! This resulted in me changing my programs many times, as you may have noticed :) (Thank you for sticking along for the ride!).

Something sounded pretty good, I would push full-steam ahead and it wasn’t until I had everything in place that I realized it didn’t feel quite right. It was not the exact message that I wanted to put out in the world. It didn’t light me up in the way I wanted it to.

Moving forward, I am trying to change that. I will allow myself time to simply be and see what ideas want to be birthed and how.

2. I needed to go through this phase of crazy implementation – While I realize it may not have been ideal, I definitely feel like I needed to go through this past year exactly the way that I did. Otherwise I would have never learned this lesson.

Pushing ahead and putting myself out there over and over again also helped me to overcome my fears. And it showed me that focusing on what you are doing as opposed to how you are being is not the best approach.

3. Have a mastermind group of other entrepreneurs – Walking the entrepreneurial path is awesome. For the first time in my life, I am creating the life I want to live from the ground up. It’s so creative and empowering!!

But it can also be isolating and really freakin’ terrifying.

Having a core group of people who are on a similar path and going through similar growing pains was CRUCIAL to me. We helped each other with really practical advice on things like health insurance and pricing, but also on a much deeper level.

Like I mentioned earlier, a lot of shit will surface emotionally and mentally that you probably aren’t expecting. Having people that I could talk to that really understood what I was experiencing was so important to my mental and emotional health. I couldn’t have done it otherwise.

4. Your headspace is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing – Monitoring and protecting how you are feeling and what you are thinking about is the most important part of your day. If you feel shiesty and are being bogged down by fear and doubt, step away from the computer!

For a good portion of this past year, I would say that I had a pretty good self-care regimen down. But a part of me always felt bad about it, like I should be working not going to a dance class. That totally defeated the point!

In the last couple of months I realized that keeping myself as healthy and happy as possible is THE most important aspect of my business. It’s not a negotiable. It’s not a luxury. If my waters aren’t running clear and clean, I will not be able to do my best work and be of service in the way that I want to be.

I now consider my yoga practice, my meditation and visualization time, going on walks, etc. to be an intrinsic part of my workday. Of course, some days are busier than others and I can’t do all those things. But when I do have time to do them, I do them with all my heart and soul. I truly relish in them without the guilt, which has made such a huge difference!

5. Everything is in constant flux and we are no exception – When I started, I had this very concrete belief about my identity and who I am. I don’t have that anymore. I have come to realize that the only constant is change and we humans are not exempt from that. We are not held to our patterning, our past conditioning, our limiting beliefs, and the identities that we have created. It’s all changing and evolving as we speak.

That’s been very freeing and also discomforting. Our beliefs about ourselves (and life as a whole) have served a purpose, even if they have been limiting us. Having those structures that we have clung to for our whole lives suddenly start to crumble can make us feel like we are lost at sea. I went through several periods where I started to question EVERYTHING, including my ability to make decisions in my own life, which paralyzed me.

I realize now that was just a form of resistance.

Along the way we all come to forks in the river and have to decide which way we want to go. That’s how we create the lives that we want to live. And the great thing is that there is no wrong answer or wrong decision! Only if we hunker down like rocks and resist change, will we be worn down over time. The water will batter us over and over again. As long as we continue to ride the current and stay open to where it takes us, we will continue to grow. New paths will unfold and appear for us. We may need to course-correct from time to time, but we have to keep moving.

This concept brings me to the two words that have kept coming up for me this year: SURRENDER and TRUST. Two small and seemingly innocent words, yet two really difficult and hairy concepts!! So much of the past year has been a lesson in TRUSTING the process and SURRENDERING to a plan for my life that I am not fully aware of.

Control is an illusion. We have no idea what will happen in the next 5 minutes, much less the next 5 years! I can’t control everything, and neither can you.

Does this mean that we should just sit on our butts and wait for stuff to happen to us? Heck no! That’s how I lived a good portion of my life and it led me to a life of going through the motions rather than being emotionally invested and taking responsibility for my own life and happiness.

Rather, it’s about learning when to push and when to sit back. It’s about knowing what we want and holding that vision for ourselves with all our heart, and yet not being attached to the outcome and leaving room for divine mystery.

In short, it’s really hard and I continue learning that lesson as I go.

Overall, this past year has been amazing. Such tremendous personal GROWTH. In order to grow, we need to step outside our comfort zones. We need to take risks. We need to face our fears. We have to leap even though we don’t have a clear vision of where we are going to land. Life is meant to be lived; it’s not something to just get through or survive.

Thank you all again so much for being a part of my journey. For reading my newsletters and sending me encouraging emails. It really means the world to me. If I can inspire just one person to start living their life more fully, to appreciate every gorgeous breath of fresh air they take in, to end the war with their body and treat themselves with love and reverence, it’s all worth it. We are all interconnected and the joy of one begins to spread to the joy of many.

Uncage Your Wild Heart – A Brief Intro!

Hi lovelies!! I was feeling inspired a week ago and decided to make a quick video talking about my Uncage Your Wild Heart program. If you feel like you are going through the motions of life, have lost your feminine spark and detached from your desires, I would love to talk to YOU. Schedule your Discover Session today!!