Singing Bird Holistic Health Coaching

People Pleasing and Pigeonholing…

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A couple of months ago, Eric and I were having a conversation about how easy it is as a creative person to be pigeonholed. Once you find a modicum of success, that medium, that style, becomes your thing. Your calling card.

Specifically we were talking about it in terms of artistic creation and writing, and how stifling that would be. You are no longer creating from your own fullness, but rather to fulfill someone else’s expectations.

In many ways, this is the very gray and nuanced intersection of creativity and commerce.

And then I started thinking…

Seeing yourself (or others) as being pigeonholed is not a very empowering stance for anyone. It establishes you as the victim in your story, unable to break out of a mold put in place by external factors.

Not only is it disempowering, but that’s also not what it’s about.

The sad truth is that we pigeonhole ourselves on a daily basis.

As with pretty much everything…it’s an inside job.

When we haven’t embodied the Wise Woman, the Queen within, we come from our Little Girl energy. That little girl always seeks to please, to obtain approval, to be liked.

So she shows up as whoever she thinks the other person wants her to be.

Do you ever feel like a bit of a chameleon? Like you are a different version of yourself depending upon whom you are interacting with?

I used to feel that way often, and it’s a great sign that you are pigeonholing yourself.

You are getting stuck in a role that you believe you are supposed to play.

This is why women’s circles are so powerful. Because it’s a whole lot easier to show up in a room full of supportive people who know absolutely NOTHING about you and be yourself than it is to do the same thing when you step back into your house that evening or your office the next morning or grabbing drinks with old friends that weekend.

Then it is easy to fall back into old patterns. Showing up the way that we used to show up. They way that we believe others are accustomed to us showing up.

To a certain degree, we ALL do this.

What that means though, is that is very difficult to feel like we ever truly know another person or that another person truly knows us. Especially the people that actually matter the most to us.

Because we don’t bring our full selves to the party.

What would happen if you gave yourself permission to simply show up as you are? To openly share your thoughts and beliefs regardless of whether you thought the other person would agree or think you were crazy?

This is the fullness, authenticity, and presence that comes from embodying your own Wise Woman. It is rooted in a deeply held belief within you that you are enough just as you are. That you don’t need to be anyone FOR someone else.

The most beautiful thing is that this will allow you to know yourself. To allow others to see and know you. And to give others permission to be their gorgeously messy human and divine self as well.

Mentoring women as they cross the threshold from little girl to wise woman, as they embody their inner Sovereign Feminine, is my passion. For the power of the feminine to rise in the way that we desire, we cannot rely on the little girl who still seeks to please. We need the Queen to rise in each and every one of us.

If you are feeling the call to serve in a bigger way, to move beyond the pleasing and permission seeking, I would love to speak with you about one-on-one coaching with me. The initial Discovery Call is free and a beautiful way to see if coaching would be a good fit for you. Schedule yours by clicking here or email me at singingbirdhealth@gmail.com.

I am following my inner compass…and change is afoot!

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A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the importance of killing your darlings and tuning into your feminine cycles of destruction and creation.

Well, when I wrote that, it was searingly fresh on my mind because I was in the midst of it myself. As I shared in my private facebook group (if you are not already a member, click here to join), this sense of something wanting to die away was palpable. It appeared in my dreams, in cards I pulled, and in my body.

But I could not for the life of me figure out what it was time to let go of.

Finally, it bubbled into consciousness.

While this is only part a much larger shift within my life, something that I knew I wanted to shift was my group program Reclaim Your Wildly Feminine Body. Mind you, I realized this as I was in the middle of promoting the new spring session (no one said Divine timing would be convenient to your ego).

I resisted it for a bit because I LOVE the content. I have been writing about it for weeks. Shooting new movement videos that I am so excited about. Over and over again I have said that it is a program that I am really proud of.

And yet…

Something was off.

I finally realized what it is: the structure of the program, which felt safe to me at the time when I originally created it, was stifling my own feminine creativity.

In my Martha Beck life coach training, Martha often talked about living in “perpetual creative response to the present moment”.

What does that mean? It means being fully present in the moment. Not trying to structure or plan what you are going to say or do. Trusting the response that comes from the core of your most authentic being.

This is the magic of real coaching.

And to be completely honest, for a while it terrified me.

Because in order to be living in this perpetual creative response, you need complete trust in yourself and the universe. You need to be full and whole unto yourself. You need to be embodying your Wise Woman. Your Queen.

When I was still in my Little Girl energy, I was too focused on pleasing, on being liked, on saying the “right” thing, and achieving perfection to access that state of flow.

One-on-one coaching is messy in that you can never plan for what someone is going to bring to the session. You can try to have lesson plans or outline what you are going to talk about or teach, but when something else is up for your client, that is where they are going to want to go.

And that is where the beauty and art of true coaching come in.

When I embodied my Wise Woman, my Queen, (and I will write a separate post about the specific moment when I got it), one-on-one coaching became my biggest source of joy and fulfillment in my business. I also realized it is where I can have the largest impact.

I LOVE forming connections with clients and going deep. It is such an honor and privilege to help lead other women to embody their own Queen energy, to unearth their own fullness.

It is within each and every woman already; the role of a coach is to help her remove the obstacles to claiming that throne for herself.

There isn’t much room for that level of creativity, or as my friend called it, artistry, in a structured online program.

BUT, Reclaim Your Wildly Feminine Body isn’t dying; it is just changing shape. In the coming weeks it will be available as a fully self-run virtual program, because like I said, the content is fantastic. And it is a beautiful portal into the deeper embodiment work of stepping into your Wise Woman Queen.

There you have it. Endings and beginnings. What it looks like to continuously follow the voice of your own inner wisdom.

For me, this marks a season of deeper focus in my coaching practice.

And with that said, if you are stuck in your Little Girl – people pleasing, needing approval or permission, caring a lot about what others think of you – and desire to step into your Sovereign Feminine, I would love to speak with you about one-on-one coaching. Click here to schedule an initial Discovery Session or email me at singingbirdhealth@gmail.com.

Set Your Good Girl Free with This Truth

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I want to tell you something, you gorgeously wild soul. Especially if you are trying to unearth your unique voice, you must remember this…

You are not for everyone.

Not everyone will understand you.

In fact, many will not.

Not everyone will like you.

And that is okay.

I have shared before how my motto last year was “I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea”.

While I would love to say that I fully integrated that piece of wisdom in the 12 month period that was 2016, that wasn’t the case.

Our lives, our learnings and lessons, are often spirals; we revisit themes over and over again, deepening and softening every time.

A few weeks ago I read a post by Rochelle Schieck, the founder of Qoya. She sends out a newsletter every new and full moon and I always look forward to them. I love her writing; her words speak to my soul.

This past new moon as I read her post, I realized that while I love and resonate with them deeply, a large majority of people may not.

Her message is not watered down. It isn’t made to be digestible by the masses.

In short, it’s not for everyone.

In that moment, in awe of her writing, I saw the ways in which I still filter, where I try to be what I believe others expect.

Oftentimes, this expectation is even built into the foundation of coaching or building a business.

We are told we need to establish our niche. Our target market. That we need to know the person we are writing to…her name, where she shops, what she wears, what she likes to eat.

But really…it’s not about that.

Having a niche and writing to your ideal client are both well-established tools of patriarchy, where we are taught to source from the outside in. It’s yet another way to be who you believe other people want you to be.

It is staying in your little girl energy and waiting for your reward.

My best pieces of writing are never written for some fictional “ideal client”; they are written for me because I can’t do anything except write them.

They are what take shape and come into form when I am tapped into my body and soul.

They are what I desire to share from the deepest part of myself.

It is the difference between expression and performance.

When I am truly rooted in my feminine creativity, I can embody expression in everything that I do because I let go of needing to be for anyone else.

I simply am.

I write from my heart and my soul, and I trust that whoever needs to find that message at that particular time will.

This is such a crucial part of unearthing our unique voice that we miss when we are stuck in the little girl energy of pleasing, instead of writing and speaking and creating from our own fullness.

Imagine who you would be, and what would be possible, if you surrendered being for anyone else and just showed up as yourself, in your business and in life?

Guiding women home to the Wise Woman within, to their Sovereign Feminine, is my passion. If you desire to step into your fullness, and unleash your unique voice in everything that you do in life, I invite you to schedule a free initial consultation call with me. Access my online scheduler here or email me at singingbirdhealth@gmail.com.

Is It Time to Kill Your Darlings?

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“Kill Your Darlings”

I first heard this phrase in a creative writing class that I took in LA several years ago. It is creative wisdom that has been passed down from generation to generation.

Basically, to kill your darlings means that sometimes you have to scrap the paragraphs, chapters, even entire characters and plot lines that you LOVE because it is better for the overall literary work.

The overall theme for the month of March is SURRENDER and I love what was posted on the Mystic Mamma site about what this means (you can read that here).

Over and over again, I am met with this same lesson. As a society, we love to push and I am no exception. In advance of our Priestess Planning workshop, my friend Alyssa and I spent last week playing with each of the elements: FIRE, EARTH, WATER, AIR.

I noticed in myself that fire energy feels really good to me (that might be because I am a fire sign). It is hot and fast and action-oriented. You light a fire under your ass and get shit done. It feels powerful.

But that is also what we have been taught we should be doing, making it tricky to feel into whether I naturally gravitate towards this energy or if it is yet another form of cultural conditioning. But I digress…

The elements of water and earth are more feminine in nature, and I find that I need to more consciously embody both of these. Earth means getting into the body, into the material world, dealing with the nitty gritty. Water is tied to the emotional body and to flow. Water is such a gentle yet powerful force; it conforms to whatever container it is in and yet has the ability to carve its way through solid rock.

Water embodies that gentle power of the feminine beautifully.

It completely surrenders itself, and in that process always finds its way. It doesn’t need to push or strive; it simply flows.

When you are an entrepreneur of any kind – whether coach, artist, musician, small business owner – it is really easy to revert back to the standard pushing mode.

We have this wonderful attitude of wanting to “make things work”. That is the entrepreneurial spirit that we all know and love!

However, in the coming weeks I invite you to feel into when you are pushing just because that is what you have grown accustomed to doing. Maybe the project you are working on doesn’t hold the same juice for you as it once did, but the fear of letting it go and labeling yourself a “quitter” keeps you stuck, hammering at the same spot over and over again.

This is where that phrase “kill your darlings” comes in because it really applies to any creative, not just writers. Your “darling” might be a specific product line, a program, or a project.

It was created with love, you are proud of it, but right now it is just NOT WORKING. You may have grown out of it. Your life may have shifted. Or it may have been based on an idea about what you “should” be doing to begin with.

This is the month to pull back the curtains and look at what isn’t working in your life.

That way you can begin to make conscious decisions on what it is that you truly desire. Is this thing worth pushing for? Is it in alignment with who you are and overall body of work? Is it part of your calling?

If the answer is yes to the above questions, that is amazing clarity to have! Then the question becomes how you can show up differently or come up with new creative solutions to the walls that you have been running into. How can you make the process of creation and bringing your creation out into the world more pleasurable and nourishing for yourself?

And when you are lit from within by that passion that comes from sensing this is part of your destiny, it no longer feels like you are trudging up a hill with a boulder on your back.

If the answer to the above questions is no, then that is amazing clarity to have as well! Facing that truth can be painful because then we must make the conscious decision to let that shit go. Even if we put in a lot of work. A ton of hours. Our blood, sweat, and tears.

We have to be willing to walk away, to kill our most precious darlings.

The kicker is that often we must let the old die before the new has been born. It can be uncomfortable, but that is how we retain our creative edge.

Now this process isn’t as brutal as it sounds, and it is not something that should be forced either. In the beginning you may feel like something is off, but can’t pinpoint exactly what it is. I have noticed in myself that same fire energy also likes to rush into the chopping, the cutting of projects and pieces, just to get out of that initial phase of discomfort.

There is no need to rush.

Be curious about what isn’t working and why.

Trust that the darlings will make themselves known to you at the right time, and that you will know when it is time to let them go.

In the meantime, practice dancing in the liminal spaces and existing in all the in-betweens.

For guidance and support in unearthing and embodying your feminine soul and her true voice, I invite you to schedule a free 30 minute Discovery Session with me to see if one-on-one coaching would be a good fit for you. Click here or email me at singingbirdhealth@gmail.com. It is the feminine’s time to RISE.