Singing Bird Holistic Health Coaching

Is My Wise Woman Selfish?

Receive_BlackWhiteSepia_Small

 

In my journey of moving from the Little Girl into the Wise Woman, I have come upon this block time and again…

Is my Wise Woman, my Queen, selfish?

Part of embodying the Wise Woman is to let go of what others think, or at least not allow that to determine the choices that we make in our life.

That also means we must let go of feeling like it is our job to make other people happy and allow them to simply have their own experience. Like Byron Katie says, what someone else thinks about you is none of your business.

For me, this was sticky at first and continues to be as I step into new territory of reclaiming my power.

My fear basically goes something like this, and maybe you can relate:

If I am not focusing on making others happy, I am being selfish. I am only thinking of myself, and will not be able to give love to the people in my life who matter.

But that isn’t true. Not only is it not true, it’s actually kinda backwards.

My Wise Woman is able to practice TRUE GIVING.

Her giving comes from a place of fullness and from an energy of love. Of wanting to shower the people in her life with affection and joy and bliss. The intention is clear and pure. There is no sense of obligation or must or should. There is no expectation to get something back from the other person in return.

But with my Little Girl, giving comes from a desire to please the other person. The underlying energy is insecure. It is based in fear of not having that person like me, or not wanting them to think something negative about me. It’s no longer that clean, giving energy; it’s murky.

So it’s actually the Little Girl who is selfish, not the Wise Woman. The Little Girl wants to control someone else’s experience of her and wants to please them not simply for their pleasure and joy, but because that makes HER more comfortable. It calms her anxiety and insecurity.

She is uncomfortable when someone else is uncomfortable, or when she thinks someone is upset with her. So she seeks to please, and modifies her behavior to spare herself the discomfort. It’s never really about the other person. It’s all about managing her own experience and emotional state.

And it doesn’t give the other person the freedom or ability to have their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It’s really about maintaining control of other people so that the Little Girl can stay in place where she feels okay.

When I am in my Wise Woman, giving and receiving is no longer transactional. There is no tit for tat, or ulterior motive.

The Wise Woman gives freely of herself without attachment, without needing the other person to have a particular response because she is giving from her WHOLENESS, from a place of fullness. Not from fear, lack, or insecurity.

Helping women to navigate the waters between the Little Girl and the Wise Woman is my passion. It sets my soul on fire to witness women claiming their feminine power, often for the first time. If you desire to embody your Wise Woman, your Queen, that Sovereign Feminine energy within you, and move beyond the insecure people pleaser, I would love to speak with you.

My one-on-one coaching is an intimate mentorship where we discover the places your Little Girl patterns are surfacing in your life, and begin to shift them into the calm and confident energy of the Wise Woman. The initial Discovery Call is a free 30-minute conversation where we will uncover if coaching is right for you. Schedule yours by clicking here.

 

Strip Away the Masculine Armor

BlackHatCoveringSmall

 

Woman, I want to tell you something. The Dysfunctional Masculine in you is not your true essence.

It is a mask that you wear. A shield.

Armor that you strapped on long ago to protect the young, vulnerable feminine within.

The girl that was not allowed to grow into a full-blown woman. The softest part of you. That gentle, rambunctious, child-like Little Girl.

The world was a lot for her. It was hardened and callous. Rushed and overly structured.

So she began to create this mask for herself. She built a wall around her soft and vulnerable heart.

The wall may look like perfectionism. Never allowing for a chink in the armor. Humanity, mistakes, learning…these have no place inside the wall. They are not allowed. There is no darkness, no shadow, only light. Only achievement.

Only performance.

The wall may look like numbing. Constant running. Busyness. Alcohol. Food. Anything to prevent you from looking the raw vulnerability of your young feminine in the eye.

The wall may look like pushing. Striving. Struggling. PROVING yourself worthy to that never-fulfilled, never-satiated force inside of you over and over and over again.

All to overcome the fear of your Little Girl that she just simply isn’t enough.

So she must do and try and achieve at a frenetic pace until she no longer can. Until her body, your body, gives out from the insanity that you have ingested.

Lies that have been ingested as truth.

There will come a time when the patriarchal armor that you have put on to go out and muscle your way into the world becomes too heavy.

When that wall that you built to protect your beautifully soft and vulnerable heart begins to crush you and prevents your heart from expanding.

When you have forgotten that the mask that you put on was just that, a mask, and you leave it on too long and it starts leeching into your very essence and making you sick.

Remember my love, that all of those protections are not really you. Not a part of your true essence. They are the internalized patriarchy that you believed would save you. Instead it is killing you.

Women, it is time we take off the false armor that does not belong to us.

It is time we muster the internal courage to look at our inherent vulnerability and see that it is not something to be afraid of, but rather a piece of our humanity to celebrate.

It is time that we cultivate our own soul voice, the Wise Woman within, the Sovereign Feminine, the Queen, and trust that voice more than we have ever trusted anything else in our lives.

And it is time that we, as women standing in our fullness and power, extend a hand to the petrified Little Girl within and lead her down the path of true embodiment and integration.

It is time to take off the masks. It is time that we stand naked in our power. Our feminine power, rooted deeply in our feelings and our being. Coaching women to see and embody their inner Wise Woman is my passion. To strip away the false masculine armor. To move beyond the pleasing Little Girl. To step into the Queen. Your initial 30-minute coaching session is free and is a beautiful opportunity to see if coaching would be a good fit for you. Schedule your initial Discovery Session here.

 

The Price of Your Pleasing

Flowers_Color_BodyOnly_Vintage

 “If you bring forth what is within you, what you have will save you. If you do not bring it forth, what you do not have within you will kill you.” – Gospel of Thomas

The Disease to Please.

Many women were raised to be people pleasers. Nice. Friendly. Always smiling. Always palatable.

People pleasing means that we value others liking us very highly.

It means that we take responsibility for other people’s emotions. It is our job to keep them happy.

At a certain point, we take a look in the mirror and hardly know ourselves anymore.

Because when we make our choices, and design our lives, around pleasing others, we lose ourselves.

We detach from our own desires. We feel as if we DON’T KNOW what it is that we want, what our true purpose is, what lights our soul on fire.

But the truth is that we do know. We just tuck away that knowing and bury it under the expectations of others. Teachers. Parents. Friends. Family. Spouse. Children. Bosses. Co-workers. Neighbors. You name it.

Keeping others happy becomes our main role.

It sounds so noble, doesn’t it? Like we are doing the world a favor. Being good people. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Meanwhile, we’re exhausted. Depleted. Resentful, especially if those people don’t behave in the way that we want them to behave or respond in the way that we expect.

The price they pay for your pleasing is their freedom. The freedom to have their own experiences, their own feelings and emotions that may have nothing to do with you.

The price you pay for your pleasing is your truth.

You never allow yourself the chance to be who you really are. You never give yourself the opportunity to discover your own voice.

Here’s the thing. It isn’t about all those other people and what they will think or say or believe about you. They aren’t the ones trapping you, constraining you, or holding you back. Taking responsibility and pulling back the projections is the first step in reclaiming your power.

Pleasing is a choice that YOU have made and only YOU have the ability to change it.

And that’s the rub. Because it is a choice, and each and every choice comes with a sacrifice. You cannot have it both ways.

Do you value being liked/respected/admired by others more than you value standing in your Truth?

Of course, sometimes those two things align. But sometimes they don’t.

And what choice will you make then?

To which point do align your true north? Is it internal or external?

Will you abandon your soul to keep someone else happy? That is quite a high price for both of you to pay.

But that IS the price of staying in your pleasing Little Girl. It is the price of not bringing forth your true soul gifts, of not putting your authentic voice and creations and energy out into the world.

Stepping into your Wise Woman, taking your seat on the throne, and reclaiming your Queendom requires tremendous trust, courage, and an unwavering commitment to your own soul and your own unique journey in this lifetime.

Are you ready?

I have walked this path and it is my passion to mentor women who are feeling the call to embody their own souls and reclaim their sovereignty, but cannot seem to overcome their fears. Fears of being seen as rude or mean. Fears of what others will think. Fears of being abandoned or misunderstood or alienating those who love them.

If you are feeling the call, all the way deep down in your bones, but cannot seem to take action or feel blocked from embodying who you know you are meant to become, I would love to speak with you. Your first 30-minute session is free and is an opportunity to see if we resonate with one another. To schedule your first session now, click here.