Singing Bird Holistic Health Coaching

Getting Schooled in “Using” Gratitude…and other things

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Over the last couple of months I have been receiving a deeper level of education by Mother Nature and the universe, particularly when it comes to the energy of using and getting.

In the Western world, we are quite predisposed to this energy. It is so interwoven in our culture that it frequently flies underneath the radar.

This came up for me when I read the following passage from Martin Shaw’s Scatterlings:

“The spiritual seeker who seeks nature ‘to get some healing from it’ is, surely, a subtle manifestation twice removed of those who continually use it for financial gain. We have to give up ‘to get’. No river creek responds to ‘to get’. They’ve felt the lash of that tone before.”

It stopped me in my path because I felt the sting of truth. I saw how often I go out into nature simply to get something for myself, be it peace, healing, or inspiration.

When one party uses the other simply to get something for themselves it’s not a true relationship.

Recently I have been shown how this energy of using permeates how we interact with stories, dreams, nature, animals, you name it.

But today, I want to talk specifically about our proclivity to use GRATITUDE.

The dictionary defines gratitude as the quality of being thankful. I see gratitude as being an offering of our fullness, a sacred pause, a moment to celebrate everything that we have in our lives, and to express thanks for it.

Gratitude for this body that you have been given. The skills that you were born with and those you have acquired. Gratitude for that which you have overcome. Gratitude for all that you have in your life.

At its core, gratitude is an expression of FULLNESS.

But gratitude has become this “thing”, this buzzword, and is often wrapped up with the energy of using.

For example, when gratitude becomes a step in a formula for manifestation, then it can cease to be an offering of your fullness. Instead it can become a tactic that you use to get more.

Or let’s say you have a gratitude practice and you use gratitude to shift out of feeling crummy, or you use it just to shift your vibration, you are still USING it to get something. It’s not coming from a state of fullness or even acceptance of what is. Again, it becomes merely a tool to achieve a specific outcome.

Like I said, this is something that is recently unfolding and deepening for me in many areas of my life. I am becoming more aware and more conscious of how insidious this energy of using is.

Using things and people solely for our own betterment…

Using nature to get healing…

Using our dreams to get information or meaning about our lives…

Using stories to get people to like us, to put ourselves out there, to elicit a specific response, to get people to buy something from us…

It’s the old, profanely masculine hierarchy in a better costume. It’s not being in true relationship to the world around you. There is an inherent lack of reverence.

I’d like to offer you the same invitation that I have been sitting with myself: When you are expressing gratitude, check in with yourself and see: is it coming from a true place of fullness? Or do you have an agenda for it? Are you using it as a tool to get something else that you want?

See if you can approach gratitude with the intention of allowing it to exist for its own sake. Allowing it to be a sacred pause, an expression of thanks, an offering from your fullness, with no strings attached.

The Wise Woman Mentorship is a one-on-one coaching relationship where I will help you to reclaim your sovereign Wild Feminine energy. Become that woman who lives and breathes from her fullness. The one who knows what she stands for and is rooted firmly in her own truth. The woman who embodies her creative energy.

For more information on the Wise Woman Mentorships, click here. I currently have three spots available for the mentorships now through September (if you sign up before August 31st you are also eligible for a free 90-minute personalized Qoya experience with me). Or set up a time to learn more about the work that I do by visiting my Online Calendar to schedule your free Discovery Call.

 

Are You Afraid of Conflict?

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Some of my articles and blog posts seem to write themselves. My fingers dance across the keys and after a whirlwind 30 minutes I have a beautifully crafted article ready to go! This has not been one of those times.

It has been riddled with starts and stops. Multiple drafts. Getting up and walking away, and coming back days or weeks later.

Perhaps this is because for me personally, learning to creatively honor my boundaries has been one of toughest aspects of stepping into my Sovereign Feminine energy.

By “creatively” I mean standing up for them directly, in the moment. Brené Brown defines boundaries as “what is and is not okay” for us. To creatively honor your boundary is to say, “hey, that is not okay with me” in the moment when the boundary is crossed.

It’s not about staying quiet as your resentment silently grows. It’s not about pushing the responsibility onto the other party, as if it were their job, and not yours, to uphold your boundaries. It’s not about bitching to your friends later about how that one friend never values your time.

I mean, we all do those things. We do those things when we are stuck in our unhealthy Little Girl energy.

The reason that boundaries are such a sticky area for many of us is that they often involve direct confrontation and conflict.

Most of us know where our boundaries lie and know when they have been crossed. It doesn’t feel good! It feels like we are being used or taken advantage of or lack the ability to make decisions in our own lives.

Thus the biggest issue isn’t a lack of having boundaries, but rather the inability to communicate our boundaries to other people (aka the boundary-crossers) with confidence, clarity, and compassion.

Standing firm in our sacred no. Acknowledging our inherent worth, and the worth of our time and our energy, and living that truth through our relationships.

But to honor our own boundaries in the present moment goes against everything that we have learned about being good, nice girls, and the importance of pleasing others. Instead we take responsibility for other people’s emotions and feel guilty if we “make” them feel bad. We don’t want to rock the boat.

As Danielle LaPorte writes in White Hot Truth, upholding your boundaries inherently causes conflict, and that makes the Little Girl within us VERY uncomfortable. She doesn’t want others to be upset or mad at her.

And therein lies the conundrum.

Sometimes the Little Girl goes so far as to opt for the run and hide technique, choosing continual avoidance instead of the potential for confrontation. Meaning that she would rather allow the entire relationship to fall apart than to state what is true for her and communicate her boundaries.

Here you can begin to see the irrationality of this fear! If it seems like a tolerable (sometimes even inevitable) option that the relationship will disintegrate anyhow, what is the worst possible outcome of stating how you truly feel? What do you fear will happen if you clearly communicate your boundaries?

If the relationship is destined to end regardless, there is only one option where you get to walk out with your integrity intact and your head held high.

But maybe that relationship isn’t actually destined to end. Maybe that other person had no idea how you felt because you never told them. If you did, they would at least have the opportunity to show up differently.

It all seems so obvious when I write it down, and yet I know from personal experience how real that fear of conflict and confrontation is, and the great lengths our Little Girl will go to in order to avoid it.

Honoring our boundaries takes practice, and, like all aspects of stepping into our Wise Woman, is a continual process. It won’t be neat and tidy. You won’t always show up in your fullness. You will occasionally still cower in the face of conflict.

And that’s okay. We are all human.

But the first and most crucial step is this: Truly own what is your responsibility and let go of the rest. Taking on someone else’s emotional state is not your responsibility. However, communicating and upholding your boundaries rests firmly on you. No one else can do it for you.

I have found in my own life that even the smallest steps that we take in this area can be some of the most empowering. Because the most painful thing is not having someone else trample on your boundaries. The worst part is that you know, deep down inside, that you didn’t honor yourself or stand for your own truth.

And that is the most painful betrayal of all.

I have three spots remaining in my Wise Woman Mentorship program this fall. AND through the end of August, when you sign up for the Wise Woman Mentorship you are eligible for a free 90-minute personalized Qoya experience with me (can only be redeemed after completion and payment of your first month of coaching).

If you are a chronic people pleaser who is afraid of confrontation or conflict, and therefore have problems standing in your truth, owning your worth, and honoring your boundaries, the Wise Woman Mentorship is an amazing program for you. To learn more visit my website or to schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call, click here.

 

 

 

 

Am I Creating Wise Woman Clones??

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“Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought.” – Bashō Matsuo

On our paths of becoming, in our seeking, in our growth, it is easy to become enamored by someone else’s journey. We see what they have and we want it. We believe that by following their path, we will get there.

Much of the work that I do in my one-on-one mentorships is helping women to move from Little Girl to Wise Woman. Embodying the Sovereign Feminine, the Queen.

But…are all Wise Women the same?

Aren’t I sharing my path of becoming with my clients and mentees? And in doing so, am I simply giving them footsteps to follow?

I sat with this question for a while. Integrity is very important to me in all walks of life, but especially in my work. It is an honor to help usher women over this threshold, and I do not take it lightly. And it is always a good idea to question yourself and your motivations from time to time. Here is what I have landed on.

The Wise Woman in each of us sources from within and follows her own truth, and because of that, no two embodied Wise Women will be the same.

My Wise Woman is not your Wise Woman.

My Wise Woman is on fire for raising the feminine energy on the planet. She longs for right relationship with nature, and to live an embodied and wild life. She loves to dance like no one is watching, and create in as many mediums as possible.

And this may resonate with your Wise Woman as well (especially if you are here reading this)!

Or your Wise Woman might have a completely different flavor. The Sacred Feminine may not speak to her at all. She might be Christian or Muslim or Atheist. Her soul might whisper to her of how we need to restructure education or save our oceans or get people more involved in our governance. She may want to work with children or animals or the elderly or in a lab all by herself. She may dream of standing on a stage speaking to thousands or living a quiet life by a lake where she can write from morning till night.

The expression your Wise Woman takes, your contribution to the world, is YOUR unique path. I cannot tell you or show you what that path is or where it will lead, and neither can anyone else.

BUT, as your coach I can help you clear away the clutter that prevents you from hearing your Wise Woman’s voice to begin with. And I can help you to see and let go of the thoughts and beliefs that prevent you from trusting that voice enough to follow it.

Because for each and every one of us, when we are stuck in those unhealthy Little Girl patterns of wanting to please others, making everyone happy, taking responsibility for everyone’s lives but our own, and deep down feeling insecure and not enough, we cannot embody our own soul.

We cannot discern or follow our own path.

We cannot do what we are here to do and we cannot be who we are meant to be.

We feel stuck and frustrated and uninspired.

Your soul’s Wise Woman journey is uniquely your own. There are no shortcuts or 10-step plans to become who you are meant to become. No one can give you that answer for you because it is already within you.

But you must work to unearth it. To dig in the ground of your being until you find what is true, what is authentically you, and to shed everything – thoughts, patterns, behaviors, belief systems – that stands in your way of embodying and living that truth.

I have three spots remaining in my one-on-one Wise Woman Mentorship program, and for this month only I have a very special bonus offering for you. When you complete two mentorship sessions you will be eligible for a one-on-one Qoya experience with me ($222 value). This 90-minute personalized class will be created for you to embody and literally MOVE THROUGH what is coming up in your life.

If you are ready to unearth your unique and beautiful Wise Woman, to embody your feminine soul, and move from fullness and creativity, I would LOVE to speak with you. Click here for more information on my Wise Woman Mentorships, visit my website. Or to set up your free Discovery Call, click here to access my online scheduler.