Singing Bird Holistic Health Coaching

The Trick to Being Unflappable…

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My family gave me many nicknames growing up. One was Singing Bird, which as you already know became the inspiration and name for my business.

Another related, but perhaps less flattering version, one was “The Siren”. As in a police siren. Or something very loud that comes on suddenly and then fades out rather quickly.

This is because from my tender beginnings as a young girl, I have been a feeler. My whole life I have felt things very deeply, and when I was younger I expressed those feelings with wild abandon.

Joy, excitement, sadness, anger – it all came out.

But somewhere along the line, around my mid-teenage years, I didn’t like the feelings as much anymore. Especially the ones that felt painful or made me feel small or insecure. They began to seem overwhelming, and like a burden. I didn’t like that I couldn’t control them and they would arrive unbidden.

So I started developing ways to not have to feel them as much. I controlled what I ate. I numbed them with alcohol. I strove endlessly for perfection. These were all ways that I steeled myself against vulnerability because I wanted to be UNFLAPPABLE. I longed to feel strong and independent and in control.

Those pesky feelings were just getting in the way.

I saw life as being black or white, either/or. I could choose to embody my deep feeling nature OR I could be unflappable. And for many years I chose the latter because it felt like the safer (and more rewarded) option.

When I started down my path of embodiment and feminine awakening a few years ago, I came face to face with all those feelings that I had long tried to bury. No longer wanting to steel myself against them, I allowed myself to feel them, while secretly fearing that this would make me seriously flappable.

I still didn’t understand that I had the option of being able to feel deeply AND also be rooted, grounded, and centered. That emotions didn’t have to completely knock me asunder. That I could be BOTH.

It is through Qoya and working with my mentor on embodying my own Wise Woman energy that I have begun to see that our lives and our being doesn’t have to be either/or. We don’t need to choose one or the other. The work is to integrate two things that at first glance appear to be polar opposites and mutually exclusive.

For me, one of those paradoxes was feeling deeply AND being unflappable.

I love metaphors, and they can be so insightful. I have begun to think of my Wise Woman like a tree in a thunderstorm, where I am the tree and the thunderstorm is the emotion.

I, tree Linda, feel the water coming down on my leaves; my branches sway back and forth in the wind. I rumble right along with the thunder. I allow myself to feel the energy of the storm moving through and I allow it to MOVE me (now quite literally thanks to Qoya). I also know instinctively that each storm carries its own form of cleansing and nourishment.

And yet, I also trust that my roots are grounded enough, and my trunk centered, that this storm, no matter how intense, will not topple me over entirely. It will not uproot me. I can stand firm, but not brittle. Strong, but not hardened.

I can feel deeply AND be unflappable.

This is the work and the energy of the Wise Woman. Wisdom is paradoxical. It integrates. It has the power to hold truths that feel diametrically opposed to one another.

And that is how we begin to reclaim our wholeness as women.

The Wise Woman Mentorship is an ongoing one-on-one relationship where I work with you to shift into your own Sovereign Feminine energy. Moving from distrust and insecurity into confidence and trust. To schedule your initial 30-minute Discovery Call, visit my online scheduler. The Discovery Call is free and a time for us to connect and see if the Wise Woman Mentorship would be a good option for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am not concerned about you…

But I do care, and there is a BIG difference.

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This is a tough pill to swallow. I know, because I have had to swallow it and it took a while working with my mentor (the amazing Lianne Raymond) to get it down.

Here we go…

Caring and concern are not the same thing.

We live in a society where the most common way to show that we care about somebody is to be concerned about them.

We worry; we fret.

It is how we express our love: through concern.

But if we peek underneath the covers, we will see that this energy of concern is really quite murky. It is usually boiling in a lovely stew of fear, insecurity, and control.

When we are concerned, we are not grounded in the present moment, but rather broadcasting our fears into the future. It’s an anxious state. Then, in an effort to show our loved ones how much we care, we spew our own fears onto them.

Don’t be fooled, they are usually well disguised. When we are on the receiving end of concern, we typically accept it because we know it’s “coming from a good place”.

“They just want me to be happy and are worried I won’t have a good support network if I move to another state.”

“He is concerned that if I quit my job I won’t have financial stability or security in my life.”

“I know she just wants the best for me.”

We accept it even though it never feels good to be on the receiving end. We feel small. We take on fears that are not our own. We begin to worry that if we make a “wrong decision” in our lives we will disappoint someone we care about.

Because concern is also rooted in control. We subconsciously want to control someone else’s life because concern often comes up when someone’s life doesn’t go how WE expect it to. (This is especially true if that someone is making a conscious decision that we don’t agree with or can’t understand.)

We also accept concern as caring because it’s the only thing we know. Often, when I speak with women, they believe that they can either express concern or be cold and uncaring.

But there is another way to show our love, another way to empathize…

The Wise Woman Way.

The Wise Woman, the Sovereign Feminine, comes not from insecurity, fear, and anxiety but from presence, trust, and confidence.

I can be empathetic when you are going through a rough time, and still have full confidence that you will make it through. I can know that even though it is hard right now, everything will be okay. You will be okay. No matter what happens. I trust that you know what is the best decision in your life right now, even if you can’t access that space yet.

When you are on the receiving end of that Wise Woman caring it feels so different.

Instead of feeling small, you feel empowered.

Instead of stressing out about what the future may hold, you ground into how you feel and what you can do right now.

Instead of taking on new fears that don’t belong to you, you allow your own fears to take a backseat to your heart’s yearnings.

Caring about someone in the Wise Woman Way invites them into the energy of trust.

This is what that feels like:

Oh, you are thinking about making a huge life move that seems risky and everyone is questioning your sanity? Well then, let me say, yes, it is safe to trust yourself. Yes, it is safe to trust the universe. Is everything going to turn out sunshine and rainbows, or exactly how you expected? No, probably not. But I still trust you’ve got what it takes to handle whatever comes down the pipe.

And if/when things get hard, or life sucks (as it does occasionally for all of us…no one escapes unscathed), I will sit with you in the suckage. I won’t try to change it or say any version of “I told you so”. I will sit with you in your descent, and even then, in your darkest moments, I will trust in your power to rise.

My passion is to support women and to hold them in the Wise Woman energy throughout their journey. I am confident that you have the answers within you. I will not shower you with concern, but will be a loving guide as you unearth and embody your own Wise Woman – she who is grounded in her truth and is not afraid to walk the path that is truly hers. With confidence, conviction, and compassion.

The Wise Woman Mentorship begins with a free 30-minute Discovery Call (visit my online scheduler to schedule yours now).

To change the world, we must start by changing ourselves.

 

Why I am Dancing On a Mountaintop!

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In preparation for the Qoya intensive this week, I was asked to write about my experience tuning into my feeling nature through the practice of Qoya. I wanted to share my answer with y’all because I feel like it helps to explain why this practice is so meaningful for me and why I am spending a week on a mountaintop in North Carolina dancing and deepening. (Okay let’s be honest, they had me at “dancing” and “mountain”, but I digress…)

I also want to share it as an invitation for you to find a way that really resonates with your soul to come home to your feminine body and begin to honor your feelings.

My Personal Experience Tuning Into My Feelings Through Qoya

I am a feeler by nature. For a large portion of my life I wasn’t comfortable with that part of myself. My ability to feel things so deeply – whether it was joy, sadness, rage – would overwhelm me sometimes. I’d get lost in this vortex of emotion.

So Qoya for me has been less about tuning into my feelings and more about allowing them. Giving them space. Giving them healthy expression. My feelings no longer consume me, and because of that I am also no longer afraid of them.

Qoya taught me that it is okay to feel things deeply. And not only just “okay”, but that it is actually a strength.

As I have sunk deeper into my Qoya practice, I no longer use my old techniques of steeling myself against my feelings. I am a recovering perfectionist. I was uncomfortable with vulnerability. I tried to starve away my feelings. Numb them with alcohol.

I no longer have to do that.

In stark contrast to my old modus operandi of wanting to get rid of my feelings, Qoya gives me a way to honor them. Both the light AND the dark. I am now able to honor the full spectrum of the human experience, and see and FEEL the beauty and meaning in all of it.

I will give you an example. A few months ago, my dog (that word really does not even begin to encapsulate who this creature truly is and what she has taught me) got very ill. She was in and out of the vet. Refused to eat. No one could figure out what was going on with her. Western veterinary medicine was unable to find a cause of any kind.

This was a really terrifying, heartbreaking, and frustrating moment.

But instead of trying to numb myself from it or check out by watching TV or drinking, I danced with it. With all of it.

I danced my fear of losing her.

My anger at the doctors who couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

My desire to want to control the situation and my frustration of the reminder that many things are entirely out of our control.

I danced my hope and my prayers that everything would be okay.

And most of all, I danced my love. My love for her. My gratitude for everything we have experienced together and everything that she has taught me thus far.

It helped me to cry both tears of sadness and fear, but also tears of tremendous joy.

I am so grateful that I have this practice that helps me to stay present with everything in my life. That helps me to be in relationship to what is happening and how I am feeling.

So yeah, that’s been my experience with Qoya. Truly life changing in the best possible of ways.

If you are in Austin, I will be teaching weekly classes starting this fall and have several amazing workshops and retreats in the works! If you are hungering to deepen your relationship with yourself, your body, and your feelings, OR if you are looking for amazingly authentic sisterhood OR if you just love to DANCE and don’t do it nearly enough, make sure you sign up for my special Qoya email list to stay up to date on all things Qoya in the Austin area.

If you are NOT in Austin, check out the Qoya website to find a teacher near you!

 

My Beef with Leaning In…

LeaningInSquarePhoto by Jeana Marino

You know that book Leaning In that was really popular a few years ago? I must admit off the bat that I never read it. This article isn’t about the content though; it’s about the title.

I have beef with the title. I have beef with the underlying energy of the whole concept it conveys.

Much of my work is body-based. Paying attention to your body language, tapping into the ancient wisdom that often lies dormant, waiting to be recognized in our flesh and bone.

I was speaking with another coach a few weeks ago, and I asked her which way her body moved in a particularly triggering situation. Was she leaning back, afraid or not wanting to get involved? Was she leaning forward, wanting to get into it, pushing her way in? Or was she standing firm and confident in her own power, grounded in the earth on her own two feet?

She was leaning forward and we talked about what that meant, what the underlying pattern was, etc.

“This paints the idea of leaning in in a totally different light…” she said towards the end of our call.

We both grew quiet as we digested what this meant.

Leaning in, which was created as a way for women to rise to equality in the workplace, is predicated on women still being OUTSIDE. Like moths drawn to a flame, we are meant to lean in towards the men in power. Once again prove ourselves to the masculine power structure to hopefully get a little bit more of our fair share.

That’s not true feminine power, and the body language alluded to in the idea of “leaning in” says it all.

True power is standing up straight. Not leaning in or out, forwards or backwards.

But speaking, living, acting, and creating from a centered, confident place where you are the flame in your own life.

Where your power isn’t found by latching onto someone else’s, but sourced from deep within you.

For women to reclaim true equality we must cease to be the moths, circling from flame to flame; we must realize that the light we seek is already within us.

And it is time to start shining.

Woman, it is time for you to stand firm in your own power. Share your truth with confidence and conviction. Embodying your Wise Woman, your Sovereign Feminine, isn’t only important for entrepreneurs; it is crucial for every woman. It will shift how you show up at work, in relationship, in friendship, and most importantly, with yourself.

Schedule your 30-minute free Discovery Call to see if my Wise Woman Mentorship would be a good fit for you. To schedule your Discovery Call, visit my online scheduler. Cannot wait to speak with you!