Singing Bird Holistic Health Coaching

Why Controlling Your Way To Peace Doesn’t Work

There is a false belief that is pervasive, and debilitating, among women.

I know of its negative impact personally as I lived under its spell for many, many years of my life. And it still sneaks in there on occasion.

It is masked as a desire. A desire for agency. To have a say in one’s own life and destiny. It sounds great and empowering on the surface.

Or it is clothed in the concept of feminine independence. I don’t need anyone else; I will just do it myself.

Underneath it is a need for control.

To be the puppet master. To hold all the strings.

Rogue strings cannot be handled. Strings held by another, whether that person is your significant other or a parent or a friend, are deviations and sources of endless stress.

Because what if they do it wrong?!?

So you try to take hold of their strings as well. And as long as everyone and everything behaves precisely the way that you deem appropriate, all is okay.

But, when they don’t (which they inevitably won’t and shouldn’t as they have their own lives to live), it all comes crumbling down like a house of cards.

This whole fragile system is built around the belief that control mitigates anxiety.

We feel anxious when things are out of our control, so we try to grasp on to more and more, believing it will eventually lead us to a sense of peace and contentment and trust.

But that day just never seems to come! It’s always around the corner. There is always that one damn tiny little thing that wants to throw a wrench in the works.

That is because the whole shebang is a fallacy.

Needing to control everyone and everything, or believing that only you know how to do it right or best, doesn’t alleviate your anxiety; it increases it.

The more that is within your control, the more stress you feel. The more balls there are in the air for you to juggle, the more likely they all will come tumbling down eventually. Somewhere inside you already know this. And therefore you NEVER GET TO RELAX.

You can never take your eye off the prize.

It’s a self-perpetuating system that continues to build up greater and greater anxiety until you hit a breaking point. Which we all do at some point. Usually over the smallest of things. Or our bodies break down in illness. Or we get hurt.

And are thereby forced to let go. To realize our limitations. To allow others their own responsibility.

Ideally though, we don’t let it get to that point.

Instead we shift out of control and into trust (which actually DOES mitigate anxiety).

We move from insecure energy and concern into confidence.

In short, we begin to unearth and embody our inner Wise Woman. We have agency without the grasping. We know where we end and others begin. We integrate our insecure Little Girl into the more solid being of our Mature Woman.

Helping women to bridge this shift in energy is one of the cornerstones of my work. We must break through old patterns of control and pleasing in order to unearth our truth; and then we must create the courage and trust to embody this truth in our lives.

This is the source of grounded freedom that so many of us seek. But when we try to find it through control, we are looking in the wrong place.

I am currently accepting a handful of new clients in my intimate, one-on-one Wise Woman Mentorship. To see if this form of coaching would be a good fit for you, visit my online scheduler and set up your free 30-minute consultation call now.

Give Yourself This Gift.

This starts with a random story, but I swear it has a point, so keep reading!

A few nights ago I had this recollection from one of my first Qoya classes. Somehow the topics of consciousness and matter came into the conversation.

See, up until that point my research and dipping my toe into the world of masculine/feminine energy had taught me that masculine = consciousness while feminine = matter. I even remember there was a handy little checklist. Sun or moon. Mind or body. Consciousness or matter. One or the other.

And that resonated for a while. Until this Qoya class when my teacher spoke about the consciousness OF matter and the consciousness IN matter. What? I had no idea what that meant. Consciousness and matter were two entirely different and separated things.

Or weren’t they…?

Back then, a whopping three years ago, I was still pretty firmly ingrained in what I now I call black and white, either/or thinking. The masculine way. It was neat. Everything had its little box and as long as it stayed where it belonged, I was happy.

This one random, esoteric conversation was really heralding a new way of looking at the world. Now I know what is meant by consciousness in matter. That not only the human mind is conscious. The body has its own consciousness. So does that tree over there, and the entire planet we call home.

Why do I feel called to share this little personal musing with you?

Because there is something important here, and that is the continuous evolution and deepening of thought, understanding, and experience. And the ACCEPTANCE thereof.

Allowing yourself the space to develop and grow.

Allowing your understanding of what is true to shift and morph over time.

I read some of the articles that I wrote years ago and CRINGE, because I didn’t see then what I see now. I didn’t know then what I know now.

And I am certain the same will hold true a few years from now when I look back to what I am currently writing.

Sometimes I have to fight back the urge to delete things I wrote back then. But then I rob myself of the gift of evolution, and the grace of accepting my own growth.

When we rob ourselves of that, we also rob others of the ability to grow and change.

This is really why I wanted to share this story with you, because I feel like it is extremely important, especially now as people are beginning to see what for so long they remained blind to.

Sometimes this feels convenient or hypocritical or like it’s just jumping on the popular bandwagon. And maybe sometimes it is.

But it may also be that we all become more conscious in our own time. Our understanding and our empathy continue to shift and deepen. In the words of Maya Angelou:

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

When you accept your growth and evolution, and all the missteps and fumbling for truth which that often entails, and choose to be compassionate and understanding with yourself regardless…that then becomes a gift of grace that you can offer others as well.

Do you have a space in your life where you can share how you feel and what is true for you in the moment, unfiltered, without fear or judgment? Where you can explore what is you and what is not within a gentle, sacred container?

The Wise Woman Mentorship is meant to hold you in your growth. In your evolution. In your death and rebirth. So that you can reclaim and re-member the missing parts of yourself and integrate them into your Wise Woman in a supportive and sacred environment.

I am currently taking on a handful of one-on-one clients for this intimate mentorship this winter. If you are tired of skimming the surface of life, and ready to live in a way that is rich, deep, and true, I would love to speak with you. To schedule your initial 30-minute consultation call, visit my online scheduler.

 

What Do You Not Want To See?

Are you living your life?

This may sound like a strange question.

“Of course I am living my life. What else would I be doing?”

But I know from personal experience that there have been times where I haven’t been living my life or truly living my life.

There was a time when I suddenly snapped to, as if I had been sleepwalking for a long time and just woken up. I looked around and wondered where I was and how I had gotten there. It was so far from the life that I had imagined when I was younger.

The thing is, while the awakening can happen quite suddenly, the way that things got to that place usually happens gradually, over time. Little concessions here. “Eh, it’s good enough” over there.

It happens so gradually in fact, that we don’t notice that we are moving further from our soul desires and purpose, rather than towards them. We normalize things. We chalk them up to being adult responsibilities. We say that we are realistic when really we are settling.

Things were never meant to turn out the way we dreamed anyway, were they?

So we stay in dead end relationships. Draining jobs. We spend our time and our energy on people and things that don’t nourish us, at least not on any deep level.

Then we numb ourselves by drinking or eating or watching TV or working or exercising.

We do anything to avoid facing the searing truth of our lives.

It would hurt too much, we say. There is too much to change, it’s overwhelming, I don’t know where to start, we say.

It’s too late anyway, we say.

We go on living our half-life, numb, and sleepwalking, trying to make the best of it.

I am here to tell you that we need to do better.

Individually and collectively.

For ourselves. For our families. For our entire culture.

It’s time that we wake up. Open our eyes to everything that we have been too afraid to look at. Feel the pain that comes along with that. And realize that it won’t kill us. It won’t be the end.

It’s the beginning.

That is when you can start to question what you have been taught life is. What it means to be “responsible”, what it means to be an adult, what it means to be a freaking human.

Look at all those beliefs with fresh perspective, with beginner’s eyes.

Are they empowering? Are they nourishing?

Are they even true?

The rise of the feminine energy is the rise of love and of life itself. Of tapping into the current of the divine that exists in this very moment and every moment. In the feeling of the sun on your face, and the sounds of the birds in the trees. In the pulse of your heartbeat and your blood as it moves through your body.

This is the awakening of the conscious feminine.

This is how we reclaim our lives. This is how we save our beautiful planet.

Consider this your kick in the ass. With love.

You are courageous enough to look at your life with honesty. To lift the rug and dare to see what lurks underneath, knowing that the courage to look and to see is a crucial part of healing. Of coming home to yourself. Of unearthing, embodying, and expressing your truth. Of exploring who you are and where you have made exceptions to that and why.

The Wise Woman Mentorship is your sacred container; the crucible which holds space for the transformation to occur. We go deep, we leave no stone unturned, but we tread gently. Unraveling ourselves to come face to face with our truth is serious business, but we allow it to be playful. We encourage tears and laughter, often simultaneously. To schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call, visit my online scheduler or send me an email at singingbirdhealth@gmail.com.

For My Goal-Oriented Gals…and Dudes

The Way In Which We Create Is Part of the Creation.

This is a piece of wisdom that came through as I sat with the questions for the Winter Solstice Soulful Strategy Workshop.

The way in which we create is part of the creation.

Let me give you some context.

As I felt into my sacred work for the first three months of 2018 what I felt most strongly all had to do with ME. Not so much what I needed to do with others.

It was about getting grounded, being outside in wild places more often, continuing to explore the feminine cycles of life, taking better care of myself.

I was a little perplexed by this wisdom. I thought I would get a hard and fast plan. Run this workshop. Focus on x, y, and z. Go here. Do this.

At first I couldn’t see how this was aligned with my larger visions for my sacred work in the coming year.

BUT…the way in which we create is a part of the creation.

I don’t think I am alone when I say that I often default to creating from my mind, thinking things through, pondering what I “should” be doing rather than simply listening to the more gentle rhythm of my body and heart.

My creations were often created a bit frantically as well because there was this belief that otherwise they wouldn’t get done. Strike while the iron is hot!!

This feels so…different.

There is no frantic energy because there is no FEAR. Fear is what dictates the forced fast and furious creation approach. Fear that it won’t get done. That inspiration will run dry. That life circumstances will prevent us from creating in the future. It says, “You must do everything now…immediately!!”

This new approach isn’t grounded in fear; it is grounded in trust.

It realizes that the way in which we create, the energy in which we create, will be infused into the creation itself.

It realizes that through the process of creation, we cannot separate ourselves from that which we are creating. Much like a baby in its mother’s womb, until birth mother and baby are inextricably intertwined. The wellbeing of the mother IS the wellbeing of the baby.

And it trusts the wisdom and pacing of the body, heart, and soul. It knows that what is meant to come through into form will come through into form. In the time that it is meant to.

When we can sink into and trust this knowing, there is no rushing or grasping or forcing.

There is more savoring and surrendering and allowing.

As you set forth into 2018 with your goals and intentions remember…

The way in which you create is part of the creation.

Is the process of creating, going after your goals and intentions, joyful for you? Is it sweet and nurturing? Is it inspiring and enlivening? Do you trust its natural rhythm and pacing?

If not, what would the process FEEL LIKE in your body if it were all of these things? What could you create if you knew that you are a sacred part of the creation, and everything stemmed forth sustainably from within you?

Woman, only you can come home to yourself. To know yourself, your feelings, and your truth moment to moment. Living the life that you desire and are meant to live requires active co-creation. It asks that you do your part by digging within to find who you are, peeling back conditioning, and leaning into trust of that which inspires your curiosity.

The Wise Woman Mentorship is a sacred space for us to explore your truth. To unravel and see what is truly you versus who you have learned to be. It is an intimate, one-on-one mentorship to guide you to embody your Wise Woman. To schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call, visit my online scheduler or reply to this email.

 

Being Authentic in Relationships That Matter Most

The work that I do in the world, in my one-on-one mentorships, Qoya classes and women’s circles, is devoted to women unearthing and expressing their truth.

Exploring what is true for you in that moment, and having the courage to voice that to another.

That is why Qoya is so different from any other movement practice; it’s not JUST a movement practice. There is community sharing built into every class so that you can experience what it feels like to be on both the giving and receiving end of raw, vulnerable truth.

Some days that truth is joyful, expansive, hopeful, and confident. Other days it is more exhausted, sad, heavy, and tender.

The gift is in being able to voice and give expression to both. AND in receiving and holding space for another woman who is willing to do the same.

Having spaces where this level of connection, intimacy, and honesty is the norm (and not only accepted, but encouraged) is HUGELY nourishing.

BUT, the end goal is not to drop our authenticity and put our masks back on when we are done with a session or step out of a Qoya class into our regular lives.

THAT is when the real growth begins. In how we interact with the real world.

The Qoya classes and coaching sessions are practice grounds, where we get to flex our vulnerability and truth muscles, where we get to show up as we are, and see what that feels like.

But my desire as a mentor, space holder, and teacher is not that you only have this experience for an hour or two a week with me or a group of strangers.

My desire is that you spend time excavating your own soul truth, practice what it feels like to share that with another, and then take what you learn into all of your other communities and relationships!

The power of sisterhood and vulnerability should not be relegated to your women’s circle or your Qoya class or your coaching session.

It is meant to bleed into the relationship that you have with your partner, with your friends, with your parents and children. My desire is that you learn to know yourself and how you feel and what is true for you moment to moment, and then have the courage to let another see that.

The courage to let another human being know you. The real you.

Especially those people in your life that matter the most.

And by having the courage to let yourself be seen and known, you become the leader. You set the example and have an impact on every single person in your life, every person that you touch.

That is where the real impact begins.

That is why all of this is so important.

The FIRST STEP though, is to dig within. To find what is true for you. To peel off old conditioning, patriarchal patterning, and people pleasing to get to your real essence. That is a crucial part of the sacred work that we do in my Wise Woman Mentorships.

We step back from the lies that we tell ourselves to stay comfortable and to keep others comfortable. We dare to utter the word that is true.

2018 is the year to sink into yourself and rise into sovereignty. To schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Session to see if the Wise Woman Mentorship would be a good fit for you, visit my online scheduler or simply reply to this email.

Happy New Year!