Singing Bird Holistic Health Coaching

The Year of The Holy Hell Yes

From the Year of the Sacred No to the Year of the Holy Hell YES…

Last year around this time I designated 2018 as my year of the SACRED NO (you can read that post here).

2018 was a year of focus. I wanted to get crystal clear on what was in alignment in my life and business, and what was not. And if it wasn’t a 100% yes, it was going to be a firm no.

Coming to the end of 2018, I feel like I met my intention. I got focused this year, built new structures in my business, invested in a coach, made responsible and level-headed decisions. I said yes to way fewer things. I gave myself time to sit with something before committing. I shored up my boundaries hardcore.

I am so grateful for the lessons of this past year, and…

As I look back, I realize I didn’t leave a lot of room for spontaneity and adventure and LIFE. I firmed up my NO, created more space and less frazzle in my life, but became a bit afraid to say YES to what I really desired.

That is why I have designated 2019 as my year of the HOLY HELL YES.

Here is the thing. I couldn’t have gotten here without this past year. I now trust in my own ability to say no to what doesn’t fully resonate, and that has allowed me to begin to stretch into saying YES to the things that do. Even if they are outside of my comfort zone. Even if my heart begins to beat a little faster when I think of them.

Our boundaries are meant to give space for life to thrive within us, not to keep life out. To find that sweet spot, sometimes we have to journey to the extremes so that we can integrate them back into our lives in a more holistic way.

So that we trust in and fully own our ability say both YES and NO when the time calls for it.

This is the way of the feminine. She thrives in paradox.

My invitation for you is to ask yourself what you need more of in your life in the coming year, the Sacred No or the Holy Hell Yes.

Do you struggle with saying no to that which in your heart of hearts you don’t want to do?

Do you find yourself saying yes as a default without taking the time to pause and see if that is actually the truest answer?

Or do you have a hard time saying yes to things that light your soul on fire?

Do you find it difficult to say yes and embrace your authentic desires, perhaps because you don’t believe they will come to fruition or fear that you are not worthy of them?

Our growth edges morph and change shape over time.

There is never a one-size fits all answer.

And you may find that what was once your biggest ailment, over time, becomes just the medicine that you need.

My approach to coaching is that it starts where you are. What needs to fall away in your life. What you desire more of. Where you are hungry for more confidence and strength. Where you may need an extra dose of softness and humility.

My goal for myself and for the women that I work with is to become more whole human beings. To become only ever more of who we truly are. To learn and stretch and grow, and also to circle back, dig deep, and reclaim what has been here all along.

If you are ready to dive into this journey in 2019, I invite you to schedule a free 30-minute Soul Diving Session (aka a Discovery Call) with me via my online scheduler to see if coaching would be supportive and nourishing for you in the coming year.

 

 

The Shadow of Control

In my last newsletter I shared the following quote by Clarissa Pinkola Estés and wrote about control (you can read that post here).

“When a life is too controlled, there becomes less and less life to control.”

I feel like it is important to share that I write from personal experience.

When I was in my twenties, I used to have this recurring nightmare.

I was either in the passenger or back seat of a car (i.e. I was NOT the one driving). Suddenly, traffic up ahead would be at a complete stop and the driver wouldn’t notice in time. I would yell, but it was always too late. The driver slammed on the brakes and I awoke in a cold sweat at the point of impact.

I tell my husband now that this dream is partially why I have such anxiety being a passenger in a car.

Looking back on it, this dream seemed to speak to a few things. First off, at that point I did not feel like I was in the proverbial driver’s seat of my life. I was allowing myself to be carried, or driven rather, and did not believe I was able to stop or change course even when I knew things were going badly.

In part, that dream was an invitation to TAKE control of my life. To take responsibility for the direction my life was going.

But it also spoke to something else, something that it took me years to see. I held this deeply rooted belief that the crash could have been avoided if only I had been the one driving. Translated into waking life, this belief meant that things would be okay as long as I was the one in control. If I ever let that control waiver though, I thought everything would come crashing down.

And that’s how I lived my life for a long time.

Grasping control of everything that I could, while subconsciously fearing my life was entirely out of control, and vehemently denying that a part of me actually wanted to let it all fall to pieces. Waiting for that magical day where everything would be in order, where I would have it all together, so I could finally relax.

Spoiler alert, that day never came.

Instead my life and emotions were like a seesaw. Controlling, tightening, pleasing, self-silencing, managing…followed by intermittent outbursts of entirely losing my shit when the smallest thing would go “wrong”. There was no room for that…and yet, looking back, I know it was an entirely necessary part of the process in order to relieve the pressure I put on myself.

It was an exhausting and TENSE cycle. Like walking a tightrope. Trying so hard to consciously balance and stay up, while a hidden part of me yearned to screw the tightrope all together and jump into the abyss below.

That’s how it usually works, isn’t it? When we refuse to look at our shadow, it grows bigger and bigger till we are finally forced to pay attention to it. Till we finally get to the point where we are tired of that damn pendulum swinging back and forth, from one pole to the other, while we swear we want to feel balanced.

This is where the work of the conscious feminine comes in. We are forced to see our outdated patterns for what they are. See how they may have served us in the past, and how they are holding us back in the present. We have to face our shadow, to see what we buried and why it has such a hold on us, and integrate it into our wholeness.

Finally, we must envision a new way of living and being, and embody that in our lives.

This is all part of the journey of reclaiming your wild feminine. Untangling yourself from that which has kept you wound up. Allowing yourself the freedom of expression instead of repression. In the words of Lorin Roche, “fanning the flames of your wildness” in celebration of, and as an offering to, life itself.

Reclaim Your Wild Feminine is an intimate nine-month journey where I will guide you to unraveling yourself in a conscious and sacred way. Shedding the layers that do not belong to you. Helping you to see where you have painted yourself into a box of your own creation and to welcome you back to your wildness. To schedule your initial free 30-minute call, visit my online scheduler.

 

 

 

Squeezing the Juice Out of Life

We use control as a way to protect against vulnerability, not realizing that in doing so we are rejecting life. We approach the great mystery not as something to be awed by, or to dance with, but something to categorize and label and manage.

We believe that by making it known, by pinning it down, we can wrap our heads around it. That then, finally, we will be able to relax. We will have the concrete answers that we have been seeking.

But there are things in life we aren’t meant to fully wrap our heads around or be able to grasp. Things that are so big and so mysterious that they are utterly beyond our comprehension.

Those are the places where the magic resides.

The imaginal realm. The birthplace of art and poetry and dreams.

In an effort to mitigate our anxiety, we squeeze all the juice out of life by striving to put everything within our control. Holding more and more in our ever-tightening grasp. Constraining life’s most meaningful questions by reducing them to concrete answers.

Then we wonder why we feel increasingly dry and brittle and bound. Why life feels flat and one-dimensional. Why that end destination we are desperately seeking remains so elusive.

To embrace the wild feminine is to say yes to dancing with the unknown. It is a journey of opening to transformation without guarantee of the outcome or knowing all the steps ahead of time. It is an ecstatic, and sometimes excruciating, reclamation of life.

As we welcome these dark winter months in the northern hemisphere, I invite you to ponder…where are you holding on too tightly? Where does your life feel too managed? What might it feel like to soften your hold on the reigns, to open to the possibility of trust and transformation?

Reclaim Your Wild Feminine is a sacred nine-month journey back home to your lush, wildly feminine landscape. This intimate one-on-one coaching offer is for you if you long to feel wild, embodied, free, and wise, but continuously feel tight and constrained. It is a journey of depth and levity, a reclamation of all that you are as a woman.

For more information on Reclaim Your Wild Feminine, click here or schedule your free 30-minute Soul Dive session here.