Singing Bird Holistic Health Coaching

The Year of The Holy Hell Yes

From the Year of the Sacred No to the Year of the Holy Hell YES…

Last year around this time I designated 2018 as my year of the SACRED NO (you can read that post here).

2018 was a year of focus. I wanted to get crystal clear on what was in alignment in my life and business, and what was not. And if it wasn’t a 100% yes, it was going to be a firm no.

Coming to the end of 2018, I feel like I met my intention. I got focused this year, built new structures in my business, invested in a coach, made responsible and level-headed decisions. I said yes to way fewer things. I gave myself time to sit with something before committing. I shored up my boundaries hardcore.

I am so grateful for the lessons of this past year, and…

As I look back, I realize I didn’t leave a lot of room for spontaneity and adventure and LIFE. I firmed up my NO, created more space and less frazzle in my life, but became a bit afraid to say YES to what I really desired.

That is why I have designated 2019 as my year of the HOLY HELL YES.

Here is the thing. I couldn’t have gotten here without this past year. I now trust in my own ability to say no to what doesn’t fully resonate, and that has allowed me to begin to stretch into saying YES to the things that do. Even if they are outside of my comfort zone. Even if my heart begins to beat a little faster when I think of them.

Our boundaries are meant to give space for life to thrive within us, not to keep life out. To find that sweet spot, sometimes we have to journey to the extremes so that we can integrate them back into our lives in a more holistic way.

So that we trust in and fully own our ability say both YES and NO when the time calls for it.

This is the way of the feminine. She thrives in paradox.

My invitation for you is to ask yourself what you need more of in your life in the coming year, the Sacred No or the Holy Hell Yes.

Do you struggle with saying no to that which in your heart of hearts you don’t want to do?

Do you find yourself saying yes as a default without taking the time to pause and see if that is actually the truest answer?

Or do you have a hard time saying yes to things that light your soul on fire?

Do you find it difficult to say yes and embrace your authentic desires, perhaps because you don’t believe they will come to fruition or fear that you are not worthy of them?

Our growth edges morph and change shape over time.

There is never a one-size fits all answer.

And you may find that what was once your biggest ailment, over time, becomes just the medicine that you need.

My approach to coaching is that it starts where you are. What needs to fall away in your life. What you desire more of. Where you are hungry for more confidence and strength. Where you may need an extra dose of softness and humility.

My goal for myself and for the women that I work with is to become more whole human beings. To become only ever more of who we truly are. To learn and stretch and grow, and also to circle back, dig deep, and reclaim what has been here all along.

If you are ready to dive into this journey in 2019, I invite you to schedule a free 30-minute Soul Diving Session (aka a Discovery Call) with me via my online scheduler to see if coaching would be supportive and nourishing for you in the coming year.

 

 

The Shadow of Control

In my last newsletter I shared the following quote by Clarissa Pinkola Estés and wrote about control (you can read that post here).

“When a life is too controlled, there becomes less and less life to control.”

I feel like it is important to share that I write from personal experience.

When I was in my twenties, I used to have this recurring nightmare.

I was either in the passenger or back seat of a car (i.e. I was NOT the one driving). Suddenly, traffic up ahead would be at a complete stop and the driver wouldn’t notice in time. I would yell, but it was always too late. The driver slammed on the brakes and I awoke in a cold sweat at the point of impact.

I tell my husband now that this dream is partially why I have such anxiety being a passenger in a car.

Looking back on it, this dream seemed to speak to a few things. First off, at that point I did not feel like I was in the proverbial driver’s seat of my life. I was allowing myself to be carried, or driven rather, and did not believe I was able to stop or change course even when I knew things were going badly.

In part, that dream was an invitation to TAKE control of my life. To take responsibility for the direction my life was going.

But it also spoke to something else, something that it took me years to see. I held this deeply rooted belief that the crash could have been avoided if only I had been the one driving. Translated into waking life, this belief meant that things would be okay as long as I was the one in control. If I ever let that control waiver though, I thought everything would come crashing down.

And that’s how I lived my life for a long time.

Grasping control of everything that I could, while subconsciously fearing my life was entirely out of control, and vehemently denying that a part of me actually wanted to let it all fall to pieces. Waiting for that magical day where everything would be in order, where I would have it all together, so I could finally relax.

Spoiler alert, that day never came.

Instead my life and emotions were like a seesaw. Controlling, tightening, pleasing, self-silencing, managing…followed by intermittent outbursts of entirely losing my shit when the smallest thing would go “wrong”. There was no room for that…and yet, looking back, I know it was an entirely necessary part of the process in order to relieve the pressure I put on myself.

It was an exhausting and TENSE cycle. Like walking a tightrope. Trying so hard to consciously balance and stay up, while a hidden part of me yearned to screw the tightrope all together and jump into the abyss below.

That’s how it usually works, isn’t it? When we refuse to look at our shadow, it grows bigger and bigger till we are finally forced to pay attention to it. Till we finally get to the point where we are tired of that damn pendulum swinging back and forth, from one pole to the other, while we swear we want to feel balanced.

This is where the work of the conscious feminine comes in. We are forced to see our outdated patterns for what they are. See how they may have served us in the past, and how they are holding us back in the present. We have to face our shadow, to see what we buried and why it has such a hold on us, and integrate it into our wholeness.

Finally, we must envision a new way of living and being, and embody that in our lives.

This is all part of the journey of reclaiming your wild feminine. Untangling yourself from that which has kept you wound up. Allowing yourself the freedom of expression instead of repression. In the words of Lorin Roche, “fanning the flames of your wildness” in celebration of, and as an offering to, life itself.

Reclaim Your Wild Feminine is an intimate nine-month journey where I will guide you to unraveling yourself in a conscious and sacred way. Shedding the layers that do not belong to you. Helping you to see where you have painted yourself into a box of your own creation and to welcome you back to your wildness. To schedule your initial free 30-minute call, visit my online scheduler.

 

 

 

Squeezing the Juice Out of Life

We use control as a way to protect against vulnerability, not realizing that in doing so we are rejecting life. We approach the great mystery not as something to be awed by, or to dance with, but something to categorize and label and manage.

We believe that by making it known, by pinning it down, we can wrap our heads around it. That then, finally, we will be able to relax. We will have the concrete answers that we have been seeking.

But there are things in life we aren’t meant to fully wrap our heads around or be able to grasp. Things that are so big and so mysterious that they are utterly beyond our comprehension.

Those are the places where the magic resides.

The imaginal realm. The birthplace of art and poetry and dreams.

In an effort to mitigate our anxiety, we squeeze all the juice out of life by striving to put everything within our control. Holding more and more in our ever-tightening grasp. Constraining life’s most meaningful questions by reducing them to concrete answers.

Then we wonder why we feel increasingly dry and brittle and bound. Why life feels flat and one-dimensional. Why that end destination we are desperately seeking remains so elusive.

To embrace the wild feminine is to say yes to dancing with the unknown. It is a journey of opening to transformation without guarantee of the outcome or knowing all the steps ahead of time. It is an ecstatic, and sometimes excruciating, reclamation of life.

As we welcome these dark winter months in the northern hemisphere, I invite you to ponder…where are you holding on too tightly? Where does your life feel too managed? What might it feel like to soften your hold on the reigns, to open to the possibility of trust and transformation?

Reclaim Your Wild Feminine is a sacred nine-month journey back home to your lush, wildly feminine landscape. This intimate one-on-one coaching offer is for you if you long to feel wild, embodied, free, and wise, but continuously feel tight and constrained. It is a journey of depth and levity, a reclamation of all that you are as a woman.

For more information on Reclaim Your Wild Feminine, click here or schedule your free 30-minute Soul Dive session here.

Are You Allowed to be Discontent?

You get this feeling that there is something in your life that is not right. It’s like an itch that you can’t scratch because you can’t quite reach it, or a yearning for something deeper that you can’t put your finger on.

Then you look around and see how much you have to be grateful for. How good your life is.

And you feel like an asshole for not being content.

Why can’t you just be happy with what you have?

Why is this not enough? It seems like it is enough for others. There must be something wrong with you. Perhaps it will never be enough. Maybe the key is just to focus on the good stuff, think positive thoughts, and get your head on straight.

This is the seesaw that many women go on. This yearning, this ache, followed by the immediate negation of the ache. A belief that the ache isn’t rationally justifiable, and therefore isn’t real. Isn’t worthy of your time and curiosity.

But what if you can be grateful for all that you have in your life, conscious of the privilege that you carry, and also honor your yearning for something more?

What if you can give thanks, while simultaneously creating change?

Because the truth is that the ache won’t go away simply because you shift your focus. It may momentarily, but it will always come back because the discipline of your mind cannot overpower the truth of your soul.

In fact, the more you ignore it or try to will it away, the louder it will get. It will go to greater and greater lengths to draw your attention to that which you wished you didn’t have to see.

Acknowledging the ache, the nagging sense of discontentment, doesn’t mean that you must fall into a pit of despair and forget all the good things in your life.

It means that you are ready to be honest with yourself about all parts of your experience.

Reclaim Your Wild Feminine is a sacred nine-month journey that invites you to follow the voice of your soul. To leave behind the safety of the suburbs and venture towards the forest of your being. To give space and voice to that ache, to dive into the longing, and listen to what it has to teach you. To unearth where it is guiding you.

For more information about this rite of passage into conscious womanhood, click here.

Are you running away or moving towards?

Oftentimes the wild feminine journey begins with a desire to flee, to escape, to run away. A deep-rooted and yet ambiguous sense that this isn’t it.

It’s not the job that we want. Not the place we want to live or the relationship we want to be in.

A feeling we can’t shake that this isn’t the person we wanted to be.

This leaves us in a predicament because while we know this isn’t exactly the life we want to be living, we often don’t know what that life even looks like. We can’t make out what it is that we want to move toward, and so we feel stuck.

We search high and low for that which will spark our soul fire once again. We may get a fleeting taste of it here and there, but we can’t seem to grab hold of it long enough for it to solidify into something tangible.

Of course the reason we can’t grab hold of it is because our hands are already full – full of responsibilities, to do lists, people to take care of, projects to manage – yet we are terrified to let anything go.

What we really want, deep down, is for life to make us a guarantee.

A guarantee that if we lay down some of what we have been carrying, if we shed our old skin, that there is something worthwhile waiting for us on the other side. Something better. We want to see proof of it!

But that’s not how it works.

So while waiting for that elusive sense of certainty, we get stuck straddling the threshold…afraid to step fully into the unknown of who and what we are meant to become, and also unable to feel content with where we are now.

And I know from experience that this is a painful and frustrating place to find yourself.

The wild feminine journey, this sacred reclamation of your wholeness, requires tremendous trust.

It asks that you let go not only of that which doesn’t resonate in your external life, but more importantly, it demands that you release those internal patterns of behavior and ways of being that don’t truly belong to you. The ones that you learned, that are adapted, created, and crafted.

They may once have helped you to survive – to fit in, to please, to achieve – but now they have become like armoring that you have outgrown. The protection they offer comes at the steep price of keeping you small and caged in.

We cannot straddle this threshold and move forward simultaneously. While we dance between these two spaces, while we remain unwilling to let the old fall away, the new will not fully reveal itself.

We have to leave our old notions of such safety and certainty behind; this journey requires risk-taking. A stepping into the unknown.

For many of us who find ourselves in this place, the old version of who we are was overly concerned with other people. How our actions looked to them. What they expected of us. Who they wanted and needed us to be.

We crafted our persona and sense of self around this nexus of external validation.

And while that persona served us in some ways, it also prevented us from diving inward to discover the essence of who we truly are and bring HER forward.

So naturally, there will be a time when we solely know what it is that we are moving away from. Because we don’t actually know ourselves!

We need find the truth of our being before what we are moving toward can be revealed.

And I am not going to lie, in our goal-oriented society this seeming “lack of direction” can be wildly uncomfortable. We feel malleable. Unformed. Entirely in the dark.

But this is not a place to fear, for it is the darkness of the womb.

And it is a place that each of us must enter and explore before we can experience our own rebirth.

Before we can rise fully into the women that we were always meant to become.

This is a taste of the sacred nine-month journey that we will undertake in Reclaim Your Wild Feminine. A journey to unearth your wild authenticity – who you are, what you value, what you stand for – and the courage to EMBODY that woman in your life.

It is a journey of true reclamation and remembering, as in re-membering. Putting yourself back together as the whole woman that you are. Shed the false persona that no longer serves you, come home to the sacred wisdom of your body, find the truth of your experience, learn to be with and express ALL your feelings in a nourishing way, and rise fully rooted in who you are. To learn more about this powerful and sacred container of transformation, this ancient rite of passage, visit my website here.

Sometimes Change Takes Longer Than Expected…

It has been a bit quiet over in this neck of the woods the past few weeks, and I wanted to drop you a note and say hello! While it has appeared quieter on the outside, much has been transpiring on the inside.

Sometimes things take longer than we THINK they will… If the eclipse/retrograde season taught me anything, it was that sometimes I need to surrender my best-laid plans and allow things to unfold in their own timing. To resist the flow of life is futile…and frustrating.

I had all these plans of launching a new group program for pleasers this month, but the ground of it kept shifting beneath my feet.

It was as if the universe was saying, “Take a step back. Stop forcing it.”

This whole surrender thing always sounds great in my head, but in practice it’s a whole lot harder!

But what I realize now is that I am not just creating a new program; I am rededicating myself to my business and in a way, creating it from the ground up. Taking time to put in the structure that I never did before to make it sustainable. Getting clear on how the pieces of my work fit together to create the whole.

With that said, as that process continues behind the scenes, the Wise Woman Mentorship is still open for enrollment! This intimate one-on-one mentorship is designed for women who are ready to claim their feminine power. If you are feeling called to dig deep and discover who you are underneath the layers of who you were taught to be, and courageously live that authentic woman into being in your life and business, I would love to speak with you. Schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call here.

The Wise Woman Mentorship is made up of a minimum of six hour-long sessions over the course of three months, though many women continue beyond this initial commitment. This program is flexible and highly tailored to fit your unique and individual needs, with intuitive and soulful sessions to guide you back to your own internal wisdom and the unfolding of who you are meant to be.

FINAL EPISODE of Pleasing 101

Y’all…it’s WEEK 10 of People Pleasing 101. Can you believe it? That makes this week the FINAL EPISODE. I truly hope that this series has been beneficial to you and helped you to better see, understand, and name the behavior of your inner pleaser.

I left a juicy topic for last…CHAMELEON SYNDROME. Are you a slightly different version of yourself depending who you are with? Do you often feel like a chameleon, like you morph and blend in without even trying? Then this video is for you!

Your Wildly Authentic Life, a intensive program designed specifically for chronic pleasers who are looking to shift this behavior, is launching this fall. As I am still putting the final details on it, it is not available for registration quite yet. BUT July is the last month to get in on the Wise Woman Mentorship in its existing structure, format, and pricing. So if you have been curious about it, jump in there now and schedule your Discovery Call. Come this fall, I am launching a new website with new service offerings so stay tuned for that!!

The Shadowy Underbelly of Pleasing

In this week’s episode of People Pleasing 101 I am sharing one of the common SHADOWS of pleasing, as the title of this video alludes to. We all have a breaking point, and pleasers are no exception. When you spend the majority of your life saying yes when you want to say no, dishonoring your truth, and allowing others to trample all over your boundaries there will come a time when you HAD ENOUGH. Then you REACT and LASH OUT. It is like the straw that breaks the camel’s back and it’s no good for anyone involved.

The GREAT THING is, that it doesn’t have to be this way and these age-old patterns can shift to make way for NEW ways of being and relating. Your Wildly Authentic Life is a 4-week group intensive that launches this fall for women who are CHRONIC pleasers. Not only will you discover who you are beneath the pleasing, but you will learn to say no with kindness, honor your boundaries with compassion, and speak your truth without feeling like you are hungering for conflict. Registration goes live in a few weeks!! To be the first to be notified, register your email here. Till next week, which will be our FINAL installment of People Pleasing 101. If you have missed any of the videos, you can find them here.

People Pleasing and Over-Giving

Hey y’all! Can you believe it is already WEEK 8 of People Pleasing 101?!? If you have missed any of the previous episodes in this 10-week video series, visit the blog to view them and to see if YOU have these people pleasing tendencies in your own life.

This week the topic is pleasing and OVER-GIVING. What is over-giving? How does it differ from the good ol’ fashioned, healthy form of giving, and just what makes it so problematic anyway? These are a few of the questions that I address in this video, along with a couple of takeaway questions for you to ponder.

Your Wildly Authentic Life is a group intensive that I am launching this fall to help you get to know your pleaser, discover who you are underneath that mask, and courageously begin to live YOUR wildly authentic life. More details will be forthcoming about this program in the coming weeks. To get them as they go live and to be notified when registration is open, make sure that you sign up here.

xoxo!

Pleasing and the Fear of Conflict

In this week’s episode (week 7!) I am talking about one of the underlying fears that causes many of the other pleasing behaviors that we have been talking about. And that is the FEAR OF CONFLICT and the desire to avoid any type of awkward conversation. Fear of conflict and the inability to have difficult conversations leaves things unresolved, causes unnecessary drama, and takes up A LOT of energetic space.

This fall I am launching Your Wildly Authentic Life, a 4-week intensive especially for pleasers so that you can discover and courageously embody who you are beneath the pleasing! Yes, I renamed this program AND I shortened it so that you can begin putting these tools to use in your life RIGHT NOW.

In this program you will…

Dig in to discover who you are and what a wildly authentic life means to you.

Take responsibility for your choices and learn to communicate them with confidence and compassion.

Let go of what stops you from showing up fully and shining your light.

Free yourself of the false constraints of pleasing that leave you feeling caged in.

Live the life that lights you up from the inside out.

Registration will open for Your Wildly Authentic Life in a few weeks. To be kept up to date on when this program goes live, click here to register your email.

Woman…it is time to live out loud.