Singing Bird Holistic Health Coaching

Deep Thoughts on Desire

I recently finished Martin Shaw’s book Scatterlings and very much enjoyed it. It was deep and difficult, complicated and yet ancient at its core.

One particular quote stopped me in my tracks. Pricked me like a needle and circulated its way through my blood. It stayed with me. Haunted me.

This is that quote:

“…get back out there, was and is my council. Not as devourer, but one prepared to be devoured. The spiritual seeker who seeks nature ‘to get some healing from it’ is, surely, a subtle manifestation twice removed of those who continually use it for financial gain. We have to give up ‘to get’. No river creek responds to ‘to get’. They’ve felt the lash of that tone before.”

It stopped me in my tracks because it rang of truth. And it opened my eyes as to how insidious this desire is to GET. To take. To have. To possess.

Before I go on I must admit that desire and I have a bit of a tricky relationship. I want desire. I covet desire. As a former anorexic, both when it came to food and money, I know all too well my propensity for negating desire entirely…and it leads to a dry and brittle existence.

But desire is often interwoven with this energy of ‘to get’. And I do have a hard time when I see the desire to get stripping the earth of its resources and cluttering her waters with disposable plastic shit that brought someone joy for roughly ten minutes. Is that joy worth it? Is it enough? My instinct says no, it’s not enough. And it never will be.

What if desire was not always interwoven with this energy of GETTING? Is there such a thing? I don’t know…

The dictionary defines desire as a longing, a yearning, a craving. The feeling of lack is what creates the desire in the first place. Why is it that to want is not to have, and to have is not to want? Can we want what we already possess or is that simply not the nature of wanting?

And have our appetites, our desires, our wants spiraled out of control simply because they are repressed?

If we go back to the original quote, the desire to ‘get some healing’ from nature means there is a lack of healing (or wholeness) to begin with. We look for it outside of ourselves, whether that be from nature (as in this case) or from a doctor or a partner or whatever.

What would a desire to be in right relationship with nature look like? What would it feel like? What differentiates a desire that is sustaining and life-enhancing for all versus a momentary impulse that only gratifies one and for mere moments?

Can we untangle desire from this energy of GETTING? Can a desire truly be creative?

That is what I am sitting with on this new moon.

 

 

Super SPECIAL SUMMER Offer!

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Beautiful wild souls, I have a very special offer for you this summer. Through August, when you sign up for and complete one month of coaching (at least two sessions) you will also receive the opportunity of having one free one-on-one Qoya class with me, tailored specifically to what you are moving through in your life (a $222 value).

Trust me when I say that the combination of coaching and Qoya is alchemical magic.

They feed off one another to deepen your relationship with yourself and accelerate your transformation from Little Girl into Wise Woman.

Coaching explores your thoughts and beliefs about yourself and the world, and allows you to make monumental shifts in perspective in a short amount of time. A coach helps you see your blind spots. What erroneous crap have you accepted as truth and “reality” that is preventing you from feeling the way that you want to feel right now?

Qoya explores the realm of your body and feelings through movement and ritual. It gives you a sacred way to come back into your body and to express your entire range of emotional experience as a woman. It brings your core desired feelings out of your head and into your body.

In the words of Marion Woodman: “Wisdom combines experience with knowledge. Experience is lived through the passions of the body; knowledge is learned through the discipline of the mind. Wisdom connects body and spirit in soul.”

Through coaching with me, you will learn to know your true self. Who you are underneath the layers of pleasing. What you desire and what truly lights you up.

Through Qoya, you will experience your true self, your essence, through your physical body.

You will see how the two are intrinsically linked. Your mind, thoughts, and beliefs shape your feelings and how you energetically and physically show up.

AND how you feel, how you energetically and physically show up, shapes your thoughts and your beliefs.

YOU – your mind, your body, your soul, and your spirit – are one holistic ecosystem. A tune up in one area begins to transform other areas as well.

I am SO PASSIONATE to bring you this offering because I know from my own life how POTENT it is. From now until the end of August, when you complete two paid one-on-one coaching sessions you are eligible for a free one-on-one Qoya experience with me.

I am offering this for free for a limited time as I work towards my official certification in September.

Your Qoya experience will be 90 minutes and the theme will be tailored to what we uncover in the coaching sessions. It will allow you to FEEL and MOVE THROUGH what is coming up for you and embody what you desire to feel more of.

Qoya is open to all skill levels and you need ZERO dance or yoga experience to participate. Plus, since we will be moving in a one-on-one setting (either in-person or online via Zoom) we will be able to make adjustments for your body. The beautiful thing about Qoya is that there is no way to do it wrong, and how you know that you are doing it right is that it FEELS TRUE for you.

This offer is open to both new and existing clients. For newbies, schedule your initial Discovery Call here and simply let me know when we speak that you would like to add the free Qoya experience to your coaching package.

If you have any questions about this offering, or my regular one-on-one coaching or group Qoya classes, please email me at singingbirdhealth@gmail.com or reach me via phone at 213.509.2013.

Solstice Blessings! Celebration, Revelry, & Fullness

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Solstice Blessings, Wild Woman.

Tomorrow is the summer solstice, the longest day of the year in the northern hemisphere. Related to the full moon and ovulation, summer solstice is a time to celebrate our fullness.

For those of you who set intentions at the winter solstice or the beginning of the year, this is also a beautiful time to revisit those intentions. Have you been tending to your seeds throughout the spring? What feels like it is coming to bloom? Are there any intentions that no longer feel in alignment, or perhaps some seeds that you planted, but never nurtured?

Nature’s cycles are ripe with wisdom and metaphor.

To reap the harvest later this year, we need to keep at it. Some of us (ahem, like yours truly) are really great at planting the seeds, coming up with new ideas, and putting them into the world. We have a lot of spring and maiden energy!

During these summer months though, we are asked to cultivate our mother energy, growing from princess into queen. Our seeds – our ideas and projects – will not survive without consistent care and nurturance.

What does this look like in life? It is digging in. Carrying on. Continuing. Seeing how you can continue to show up in greater devotion to the main projects you have been working on this year.

To give you a personal example, these are a few of the projects and facets of my business and creativity that I am recommitting and devoting myself to over the coming months:

  • Continuing to tend to my one-on-one client mentorships and growing my one-on-one coaching offerings
  • Serve and facilitate my online Wildly Feminine & Free community
  • Maintaining a consistent personal Qoya practice and teaching schedule. Growing from online classes to local Austin classes as well
  • Planning a retreat for the latter half of the year that integrates the transition from Little Girl into Wise Woman with Qoya, coaching, and Desire Mapping
  • Continue to write and publish more often and explore ways to get my writing out to new audiences. This means I am submitting my work to sites like Rebelle Society more regularly and consistently, AND I am blogging several times per week. Though I still send out a weekly newsletter, I am also writing shorter pieces more often (visit the BLOG now)

I share this with you because I want to ground these ideas in the practical, physical world. Working with the cycles of nature is such a beautiful way to infuse more reverence and meaning into your projects and endeavors, but it’s also one of the most practical and helpful tools out there! It was the planner before planners became a THING.

Nature teaches us when to plant the seeds, tend to the seeds, prune the plants, reap the harvest, and allow the old to fall away for a new cycle to begin.

I also know that for me to feel fulfilled, I need to continue to honor my spring energy as well. There are always new ideas cooking in the old noggin, and I LOVE that about myself. But by shifting into my Queen Mother energy I also become conscious of not simply jumping from project to project without bringing any to fruition.

Other ways that you can play with this summer energy is by tapping into your fullness and your more extroverted side.

Get in touch with the fullness of your body through a movement practice like Qoya.

Express gratitude for all the blessings you already have in your life through a Despacho gratitude ceremony or by writing a thank you letter to the universe.

Celebrate a sacred union by making sweet love under the dark moon.

Take joy in friendships by going out to dinner with your sisters. Maybe even have a glass of wine or two, if that sounds good to you. The theme for solstice is REVELRY! This was a day and night of celebration for our ancestors. Let’s honor them by letting loose a bit.

Embrace nature by going for a hike or for those of you living in a climate like Austin, go for a SWIM in a natural watering hole.

Have the best day ever and do ALL of the above!! Or spread them out throughout the summer months to infuse this full Queen energy into everything you do.

 

Mother Nature is a Beautiful Teacher

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I took these photos the Monday night that I had to leave my dog Sophie, my spirit animal, at the veterinary hospital (it feels grossly inadequate to call her simply “my dog”). Earlier that afternoon we’d had the most intense spring thunderstorm. Precisely the kind of storm that I used to long for. A royal cleansing. The house shook with thunder, the rain came down in sheets knocking out power and streetlights across town. Whipping winds ripped out branches of the pecan trees around our neighborhood.

I danced Qoya in my office with the candles lit, a picture of Sophie on my altar where it looked exactly like she was staring out the window at the weather unfolding outside. The house felt quiet and lonely without her presence.

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By the time Eric came home from work that evening, the storm had passed leaving giant puddles gathered in street corners. We went for a walk because I desired the fresh air and to move my legs. I knew that allowing myself to wallow and fall into the vortex of worry and concern would do no good (though sometimes that is easier said than done).

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We walked just as the sun was setting. It was exquisite. Not only were the colors in the sky and clouds some of the most vibrant I have seen, but they were reflected back to me from below as well. The rain water in the street became a beautiful mirror. As above, so below. I stopped in my tracks to behold the scene and I allowed my aching and tender heart to take shelter in its message and meaning…

This beauty, this moment, was only possible because of the storm that had preceded it. It felt like Mother Earth was offering me the faith and hope that I so desperately needed. “What is on the other side of this storm is more beautiful than you can even imagine,” she whispered silently to me.

Nature is a patient, but potent, teacher. When we slow down enough to listen, when we approach with our heads bowed in reverence, she bestows on us profound metaphors and meaning.

Sweet Memories

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I went to get some ice cream at Lick this afternoon. I decided to stroll around while savoring my two scoops: Blackberry Lime Basil and Lemon Pound Cake (random aside, but if you are ever in Austin and like ice cream, you have to go to Lick).

As I strolled I realized that summer has officially sprung here in Texas. It was hot as balls out there. Temperatures are creeping up close to 100 degrees and the humidity is hovering near 80%. I believe there is a Finnish saying that says something about the air feeling like a cow’s breath…That’s what it felt like today. A big giant cow breathing its hot and sticky breath all over me. Fresh.

The scent of burning wood hung in the air. I figured it must be coming from the pizza place next door that uses a real wood-fired oven to cook their pizzas.

That scent, combined with the heat and moisture in the air, brought me instantaneously back to Belize, where Eric and I went on our honeymoon (isn’t the power of scent amazing like that?). I distinctly remember waking up every morning to that deliciously ancient scent of smoldering wood and ash. I love that smell; it resonates all the way down into my cells. Primal and comforting.

We went on our honeymoon in April of 2013, over four years ago now. I don’t like to harp on how fast time moves (as it feeds into our overall scarcity mindset), but man time sure does move awful fast these days! When you are young – and I realize I am not all that old yet – you never believe your parents and grandparents when they tell you how life seems to zoom by.

I couldn’t understand how people would say they still felt the same at age 50 as they did at 20. That they didn’t know where the years have gone. I always expected that one day I would wake up and feel like an “adult”.

Well, I am beginning to understand what they all meant and I am only 34. College doesn’t seem all that distant and yet over a decade has passed since I last set foot in those classrooms. I am in my mid-30s and most days the idea of “adulting” seems either very daunting or way too boring, at least by our current definitions of what that means… (I believe it’s time we change at how we look at the role of being an adult, but that’s a subject for another day.)

In some ways, I feel the same as I did when I was 14. I still harbor my dream of being a rockstar. Normal people still frighten me (as the painting hanging over my parent’s computer clearly reads). I love a good game of cards, I still get mad as hell when I lose, and there is nothing better than laughing with my besties till I cry.

And yet…things are different too, of course. I am now aware of how quickly it all goes. The importance of creating memories. How my desire is to savor every drop of this life while I am here. Sometimes that means the big things: the wedding, the honeymoon, a big trip.

But it also means all the little things that add up to make a well-lived life. Putting my head on my husband’s shoulder as we watch House of Cards. Noticing how the hair between Sophie’s paw pads is growing longer as she gets older, like the ear hairs of an old man that seem to sprout overnight with unabashed vivacity. The quiet mornings when I sit down to journal and enjoy a piping hot cup of coffee.

When I sink into all of those little moments, instead of rushing through them or taking them for granted, I am filled with so much gratitude for this entire wild ride that is life. What a blessing it is to be here. To be able to breathe in that hot and sticky summer air. To smell that warm, charred scent of burning wood and taste the cold sweetness of ice cream on my tongue. To have arms and hands and fingers that allow me to type this message and pet my dog and hold my husband’s hand.

Then it slips away and I go back to doing the dishes and planning my social media posts for the week and cleaning the bathroom and muttering under my breath about how a sink can get so dirty so fast.

But all of that is life too. Nothing is excluded or worth less. In our world, the magical and the mundane live side by side. They dance within and around us. Human and Divine. Humanly Divine and Divinely Human.

The Initial Call to Feel It All {From Soul Tracking}

The following is an excerpt from my e-book Soul Tracking, my journey of unearthing my wildly feminine soul as told through dreams, journal entries, artwork, and poetry. To get your copy of Soul Tracking sent directly to your inbox, click here.

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June 2, 2016

There was a several year period when I lived in Los Angeles that I felt an intense longing for thunderstorms.

LA may have several knocks against it, but bad weather sure ain’t one of them. My brother would call from Sweden and regardless of the time of year our long-standing joke was that he would ask if it was 75 and sunny. A good portion of the time, that was exactly what it said on my weather app. He would lament his envy as he looked out the window to see the cold November rains of Stockholm (where one year I remember him saying that they had eleven whopping hours of sunlight in the entire month), but in contrast I couldn’t seem to find my appreciation for the nice, temperate climate in which I lived.

I cringe a little reading my old poems, as I have matured into a better writer in the past decade. But I am also filled with a quiet tenderness and a sly smile at my younger self, as it is clear now how the wild feminine was calling to me already many years ago.

Those longings for humidity, for moisture and heaviness, and sudden violent release have a sensual and almost erotic quality to them.

In contrast, I remember writing about how Los Angeles was like a city, an entire landscape, on Prozac. Life was dulled at the edges and there were no high highs or low lows. I missed that contrast dearly, that reflection of the emotional range of the feminine reflected back to me in Mother Nature.

How I felt about LA’s weather those years ago now mirrors how I feel about much modern, or “new age”, spirituality. They both feel good at first. They lure me with their sunshine, their promises of peace and calm. I am supposed to want that.

But eventually a piece of me begins to wither and die in that sea of sameness.

When we are apart for too long, the wild woman within me begins to yearn for the feminine like you yearn for a lost lover. I crave experiences in nature and in my sensual body, and to feel the depth and range of my emotions fully.

This is what much of the modern spiritual experience seeks to overcome; it is about transcending all the messy parts of our human existence. Our flesh and our bone. Our burning desires and our seething anger. The tears and the blood and the broken hearts. The darkness that lurks within each of us.

When I go too far down that path, the wild woman grabs me by the hair and yanks me back. She reminds me that I am not here to transcend the human experience; I am here to live it. Fully. I am here to feel everything in the way that this glorious human body can.

Many spiritual teachings tell us that we are like the sky, and that when our feelings and emotions rise like clouds we are only to witness them passing with a calculated distance. They are not us. Heavens, no! We are the void, dammit! We are perfect and cloudless and still.

Except that’s not the entire truth. We are both the sky and the clouds, and one isn’t necessarily better or more evolved than the other. They are both part of the sacred tapestry into which we are woven. Human and Divine.

At times it is wonderful and amazing to simply watch the clouds go by and feel the peace at your core. This pleases the masculine in you. But at other times you want to dance in the rain and allow yourself to surrender to the flow of your own emotional body: To rage and scream and cry and beat your fists against the earth. That is your wild feminine calling to you and searching for expression.

And why should you listen?

Because when you know and can trust the surrender into your dark emotions, into the underbelly of the feminine, you are also able to surrender into their reciprocal: into sheer joy, passion, and love.

Soul Tracking is now available for free download. I offer this e-book to other women on the path of Divine Feminine embodiment. The ideas and revelations in Soul Tracking dance back and forth through time and theme. I contradict myself. Bare my fears and deepest longings. It is messy and highly personal, as each one of our journeys invariably will be. Click here and enter your email, and you will be sent the link to download your copy of Soul Tracking.

Dream Wisdom on Ownership & Domestication

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I dreamt of Sophie again last night. She has appeared as a central character in many dreams over the past several months.

Dream one…Walking Sophie on a simple rope leash as we were forced to evacuate a hotel due to a fire alarm.

Dream two…Sophie not being allowed to stay in the house with the family, but I bring her anyhow.

Last night, in the portion of the dream I remember, Eric, Sophie, and I are in a small, provincial-looking town that feels European. We are in an alleyway. Not the seedy and dark kind of alleyway that we are taught to avoid, but rather a cute and narrow passage common in old-time cities. We are going to go explore the larger street and city.

In this dream, Sophie is not on any kind of leash, nor is she wearing a collar or harness. She is fully present in her wild self.

Though we have already been out and about in this fashion, I suddenly become aware of another dog walking on the big street, and then a woman walking with a toddler. I grow concerned that perhaps Sophie does need to be restrained in some way, and I embrace her to keep her from going anywhere.

Then I wake up.

In each consecutive dream, though they have occurred months apart, I am more comfortable with Sophie’s wildness. There are fewer accoutrements to keep her under control. As I stand for her and trust her more, I am learning to stand for and trust an inherent part of myself.

What struck me in this particular dream was the lack of collar. The same was also true in the previous dream where I walked her using a rope.

A collar to me symbolizes not only a mechanism of restraint, but also ownership. A collar typically has a tag, a tag with her name on it and my name on it and my phone number. A collar and tag shows to the world that she has been claimed. She belongs to me.

In many ways this also confers importance. She is not some random stray pit bull, but someone’s dog. She matters more simply because she matters to me.

In our patriarchal, hierarchical society, we see this often. The world of plants and animals doesn’t have its own sense of being-ness. Its worthiness comes strictly from our human use of it, whether that use is for sustenance or shelter (as in the case of farm animals or trees) or for emotional companionship (in the case of having cats and dogs as pets).

We even see this in terms of women. In a society where men have been placed over women, the value of a woman stems from her relationship to a man. An insult to her or harming of her is only deeply felt when placed in context of her being someone’s wife, sister, or mother.

But, I digress.

Coming back to the dream and this lack of “ownership”…I asked myself this morning, what does that mean?

A lack of ownership means that I recognize Sophie as a sovereign being. We are two earthly spirits who choose to be in relationship with one another.

It also changes my role and sense of responsibility. As Sophie’s owner, I am entirely responsible for her wellbeing, for her behavior, and for making all of the decisions regarding her life. It becomes quite the obligation. Not to mention that all of these beliefs are constantly solidified in the pit bull world by the refrain, “it’s not the dog, it’s the owner” as if the dog (aka the wildish creature) has no say of its own. As if she doesn’t have a personality that is uniquely hers. A soul.

The idea of ownership is really the ultimate form of control, and that is what I believe this dream was trying to show me. Ownership is domestication is control. It kills off the wild spirit and the possibility of true relationship. Becoming aware of my own tendency to control – to grip, to tighten, to micromanage – and shifting into the feminine, into trust, has been a central focus of my life’s journey. As Sophie is one of my greatest teachers, it is no wonder that she appears in my dream to illuminate a new frontier of development.

For thousands of years, we humans have believed that we can domesticate and own wild animals, turning them into “kept” creatures and wondering at those few times when they rebel. We have drawn and continue to draw theoretical borders to say that we own certain pieces of land, as if Earth was ours for the taking.

What if instead, we belong to one another?

Humans. Animals. The very consciousness of the land itself. All integral parts of a single interwoven tapestry of existence.

The land belongs to us AND we belong to the land. The animals belong to us AND we belong to the animals.

There is more softness there. A taste of wisdom.

Embodying FEMININE Power + Leadership

Why are so many of us stuck in Little Girl patterns?

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Little Girls abound!! And I am not talking about actual little girls, but rather grown women stuck in old and worn out Little Girl patterns (aka people pleasing, over-functioning, porous boundaries, etc.).

The majority of women are either in Dysfunctional Masculine energy or Little Girl energy, or vacillate between the two.

But…WHY is that?

Why do we see so few women embody feminine power and leadership?

The truth is that feminine power has been hidden for thousands of years. Patriarchy doesn’t want empowered women. Women who know that they carry their own truth and worth and value within will invariably stop listening to the powers that be! We will stop looking for answers outside of ourselves. We will stop needing to work so damn hard to prove ourselves worthy to anyone else.

In short, we will become way more difficult to control.

Because this power has been tucked away and not talked about, it was difficult for women to openly embody it. Instead our definition of feminine became only those attributes that were perceived as weak or felt uncomfortably vulnerable. The feminine seemed to lack agency in the world. So many of us aligned ourselves with the masculine because we wanted more for our lives – more opportunity, more possibility, more open doors than closed ones.

And/or we became good Little Girls who made sure to color within the lines of the masculine power structure because that ensured we received our reward. It also happened to be where we sourced our approval, validation, and protection.

When we begin to strip away the Dysfunctional Masculine that we inherited and absorbed from the culture at large, we often uncover our Little Girl cowering beneath all that armor. We bring her out into the light of day, exposed and raw, with nothing to hide behind any longer.

Sometimes we panic because she feels too soft and too vulnerable and totally unprepared for the world. We fall back into the old behaviors of numbing out our feelings with busyness or food or alcohol, attempting to conceal them even from ourselves, because it feels safer.

Or we believe the Little Girl is IT. The feminine. We have uncovered her. Hallelujah!

So we stay there, in that dependent state. Not feeling confident. Not fully trusting ourselves. Continuing to source our worth and value externally, and not realizing we are only halfway there.

The Little Girl is your feminine. But she is only the SEED who has yet to grow or blossom into a full-blown woman.

She was placed in a dry cupboard a long time ago, without access to sunlight or water or the nutrients that she needed in order to thrive.

She is feminine potential that has yet to develop or mature. We tucked her away because we thought she was the part we needed to transcend in order to be somebody.

When we bring her out of that cupboard, we can’t just throw her out into the world and expect her to take root.

We need to plant her with care and diligence in deep and fertile soil. We ensure that she has everything she needs to feel safe and cared for. We nourish and nurture her, so that she may grow into the Wise Woman that she is meant to be.

The Wise Woman who sources her strength, power, and direction from within.

The Wise Woman who treasures her intuition and her feelings as her true guides, instead of looking OUT to see what she should be doing, how she should behave, and who she should be.

Here’s the thing to remember…we are part of the transition team. Transitions, by their nature, are messy. We don’t need to be, and won’t be, perfect Queens and embodied Wise Women all the time. We are aiming for greater awareness. Recognizing the Little Girl when she pops up and knowing that we have the opportunity to make a different choice.

The fact that so many women are embodying the Little Girl is really amazing. It means the process is well underway!

Little Girls are beautiful, feminine seeds strewn across the world, just waiting to grow into the powerful, sovereign women that we are meant to be.

Helping women navigate the waters between the Little Girl and the Wise Woman, the Queen, is my passion. It sets my soul on fire to witness women claiming their feminine power, often for the first time. If you desire to embody your Wise Woman, that Sovereign Feminine energy within you, and move beyond the insecurities of the Little Girl, I would love to speak with you.

My one-on-one coaching offering is an intimate mentorship where I will help you to discover and clearly see where in your life the Little Girl patterns are surfacing, and shift them into the calm and confident energy of the Wise Woman. The initial Discovery Call is a free 30-minute conversation where we will uncover if coaching is right for you. Schedule your Discovery Call now by clicking here or emailing me at singingbirdhealth@gmail.com.

Where Are You Attacking Yourself?

Several weeks ago, I was watching an interview with a functional medicine doctor.

I was halfway listening when I heard him say, “Women are much more likely to suffer from autoimmune diseases than men,” and I stopped in my tracks. Something inside of me clicked.

I have been working with an acupuncturist for the last couple months and it has been amazing. In our first session together, she told me that she felt there might be some autoimmune stuff happening for me as well.

“Autoimmune,” she said, “is really the body attacking itself. Be mindful of any ways in which you might be attacking yourself, metaphorically speaking.”

I spent a great many years of my life attacking myself, and my body, through starvation, alcohol, exercising through injury, just to name a few. Though I have worked to change those unhealthy behaviors, certain facets of that negative, internalized energy still linger in the crevices of my psyche.

I noticed it the other week when I took my dog for a walk by the lake. I parked in the specified parking lot and it was $5 for the day. Then I realized there was a whole bunch of street parking that would have cost a fraction of that.

Oh my goodness, I started berating myself to no end! For a $5 expenditure!! I was “stupid” for parking there and was angry with myself for not paying better attention, looking for other parking options, etc.

As women, I feel like we do this often and it’s so ingrained that it goes unnoticed.

It happens in situations big and small. Little mistakes and giant whoppers are both criticized with wild abandon.

Attacking ourselves has become our modus operandi.

Ponder these questions…

Do you speak to yourself in the same way that you would speak to a dear friend?

When you make a mistake, do you forgive yourself? Do you offer yourself compassion and understanding?

When you look in the mirror, are you kind and loving? Do you see the totality of the beautiful soul that you are, or only the parts that don’t measure up?

Do you allow yourself time to rest when you are tired? Do you force yourself to push through? Do you wear yourself out with endless to-dos? Do you trust and follow your own natural rhythms?

So many of us have internalized the negative voice of patriarchy and it acts as the predator, this dark force, in our psyche to whom we are never enough.

In that way, it is not strange that mainly women suffer from autoimmune disease. We are accustomed to turning our hatred, disgust, frustration, anger, and fear back towards ourselves.

Becoming conscious of this dark force within is the first step. Seeing that voice for what it is and realizing that it is not really you. It is something that you have inadvertently picked up from the culture at large.

Begin noticing where there is a constant low-grade war that goes on within you.

And start to build up that compassionate, feminine voice. The Wise Woman. The Queen. Begin to mother yourself in the most basic of ways. Stop beating yourself into submission for the dark force, and instead begin loving yourself back into the light.

Is My Wise Woman Selfish?

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In my journey of moving from the Little Girl into the Wise Woman, I have come upon this block time and again…

Is my Wise Woman, my Queen, selfish?

Part of embodying the Wise Woman is to let go of what others think, or at least not allow that to determine the choices that we make in our life.

That also means we must let go of feeling like it is our job to make other people happy and allow them to simply have their own experience. Like Byron Katie says, what someone else thinks about you is none of your business.

For me, this was sticky at first and continues to be as I step into new territory of reclaiming my power.

My fear basically goes something like this, and maybe you can relate:

If I am not focusing on making others happy, I am being selfish. I am only thinking of myself, and will not be able to give love to the people in my life who matter.

But that isn’t true. Not only is it not true, it’s actually kinda backwards.

My Wise Woman is able to practice TRUE GIVING.

Her giving comes from a place of fullness and from an energy of love. Of wanting to shower the people in her life with affection and joy and bliss. The intention is clear and pure. There is no sense of obligation or must or should. There is no expectation to get something back from the other person in return.

But with my Little Girl, giving comes from a desire to please the other person. The underlying energy is insecure. It is based in fear of not having that person like me, or not wanting them to think something negative about me. It’s no longer that clean, giving energy; it’s murky.

So it’s actually the Little Girl who is selfish, not the Wise Woman. The Little Girl wants to control someone else’s experience of her and wants to please them not simply for their pleasure and joy, but because that makes HER more comfortable. It calms her anxiety and insecurity.

She is uncomfortable when someone else is uncomfortable, or when she thinks someone is upset with her. So she seeks to please, and modifies her behavior to spare herself the discomfort. It’s never really about the other person. It’s all about managing her own experience and emotional state.

And it doesn’t give the other person the freedom or ability to have their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It’s really about maintaining control of other people so that the Little Girl can stay in place where she feels okay.

When I am in my Wise Woman, giving and receiving is no longer transactional. There is no tit for tat, or ulterior motive.

The Wise Woman gives freely of herself without attachment, without needing the other person to have a particular response because she is giving from her WHOLENESS, from a place of fullness. Not from fear, lack, or insecurity.

Helping women to navigate the waters between the Little Girl and the Wise Woman is my passion. It sets my soul on fire to witness women claiming their feminine power, often for the first time. If you desire to embody your Wise Woman, your Queen, that Sovereign Feminine energy within you, and move beyond the insecure people pleaser, I would love to speak with you.

My one-on-one coaching is an intimate mentorship where we discover the places your Little Girl patterns are surfacing in your life, and begin to shift them into the calm and confident energy of the Wise Woman. The initial Discovery Call is a free 30-minute conversation where we will uncover if coaching is right for you. Schedule yours by clicking here.