Singing Bird Holistic Health Coaching

Are You Afraid of Conflict?

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Some of my articles and blog posts seem to write themselves. My fingers dance across the keys and after a whirlwind 30 minutes I have a beautifully crafted article ready to go! This has not been one of those times.

It has been riddled with starts and stops. Multiple drafts. Getting up and walking away, and coming back days or weeks later.

Perhaps this is because for me personally, learning to creatively honor my boundaries has been one of toughest aspects of stepping into my Sovereign Feminine energy.

By “creatively” I mean standing up for them directly, in the moment. Brené Brown defines boundaries as “what is and is not okay” for us. To creatively honor your boundary is to say, “hey, that is not okay with me” in the moment when the boundary is crossed.

It’s not about staying quiet as your resentment silently grows. It’s not about pushing the responsibility onto the other party, as if it were their job, and not yours, to uphold your boundaries. It’s not about bitching to your friends later about how that one friend never values your time.

I mean, we all do those things. We do those things when we are stuck in our unhealthy Little Girl energy.

The reason that boundaries are such a sticky area for many of us is that they often involve direct confrontation and conflict.

Most of us know where our boundaries lie and know when they have been crossed. It doesn’t feel good! It feels like we are being used or taken advantage of or lack the ability to make decisions in our own lives.

Thus the biggest issue isn’t a lack of having boundaries, but rather the inability to communicate our boundaries to other people (aka the boundary-crossers) with confidence, clarity, and compassion.

Standing firm in our sacred no. Acknowledging our inherent worth, and the worth of our time and our energy, and living that truth through our relationships.

But to honor our own boundaries in the present moment goes against everything that we have learned about being good, nice girls, and the importance of pleasing others. Instead we take responsibility for other people’s emotions and feel guilty if we “make” them feel bad. We don’t want to rock the boat.

As Danielle LaPorte writes in White Hot Truth, upholding your boundaries inherently causes conflict, and that makes the Little Girl within us VERY uncomfortable. She doesn’t want others to be upset or mad at her.

And therein lies the conundrum.

Sometimes the Little Girl goes so far as to opt for the run and hide technique, choosing continual avoidance instead of the potential for confrontation. Meaning that she would rather allow the entire relationship to fall apart than to state what is true for her and communicate her boundaries.

Here you can begin to see the irrationality of this fear! If it seems like a tolerable (sometimes even inevitable) option that the relationship will disintegrate anyhow, what is the worst possible outcome of stating how you truly feel? What do you fear will happen if you clearly communicate your boundaries?

If the relationship is destined to end regardless, there is only one option where you get to walk out with your integrity intact and your head held high.

But maybe that relationship isn’t actually destined to end. Maybe that other person had no idea how you felt because you never told them. If you did, they would at least have the opportunity to show up differently.

It all seems so obvious when I write it down, and yet I know from personal experience how real that fear of conflict and confrontation is, and the great lengths our Little Girl will go to in order to avoid it.

Honoring our boundaries takes practice, and, like all aspects of stepping into our Wise Woman, is a continual process. It won’t be neat and tidy. You won’t always show up in your fullness. You will occasionally still cower in the face of conflict.

And that’s okay. We are all human.

But the first and most crucial step is this: Truly own what is your responsibility and let go of the rest. Taking on someone else’s emotional state is not your responsibility. However, communicating and upholding your boundaries rests firmly on you. No one else can do it for you.

I have found in my own life that even the smallest steps that we take in this area can be some of the most empowering. Because the most painful thing is not having someone else trample on your boundaries. The worst part is that you know, deep down inside, that you didn’t honor yourself or stand for your own truth.

And that is the most painful betrayal of all.

I have three spots remaining in my Wise Woman Mentorship program this fall. AND through the end of August, when you sign up for the Wise Woman Mentorship you are eligible for a free 90-minute personalized Qoya experience with me (can only be redeemed after completion and payment of your first month of coaching).

If you are a chronic people pleaser who is afraid of confrontation or conflict, and therefore have problems standing in your truth, owning your worth, and honoring your boundaries, the Wise Woman Mentorship is an amazing program for you. To learn more visit my website or to schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call, click here.

 

 

 

 

Am I Creating Wise Woman Clones??

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“Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise; seek what they sought.” – Bashō Matsuo

On our paths of becoming, in our seeking, in our growth, it is easy to become enamored by someone else’s journey. We see what they have and we want it. We believe that by following their path, we will get there.

Much of the work that I do in my one-on-one mentorships is helping women to move from Little Girl to Wise Woman. Embodying the Sovereign Feminine, the Queen.

But…are all Wise Women the same?

Aren’t I sharing my path of becoming with my clients and mentees? And in doing so, am I simply giving them footsteps to follow?

I sat with this question for a while. Integrity is very important to me in all walks of life, but especially in my work. It is an honor to help usher women over this threshold, and I do not take it lightly. And it is always a good idea to question yourself and your motivations from time to time. Here is what I have landed on.

The Wise Woman in each of us sources from within and follows her own truth, and because of that, no two embodied Wise Women will be the same.

My Wise Woman is not your Wise Woman.

My Wise Woman is on fire for raising the feminine energy on the planet. She longs for right relationship with nature, and to live an embodied and wild life. She loves to dance like no one is watching, and create in as many mediums as possible.

And this may resonate with your Wise Woman as well (especially if you are here reading this)!

Or your Wise Woman might have a completely different flavor. The Sacred Feminine may not speak to her at all. She might be Christian or Muslim or Atheist. Her soul might whisper to her of how we need to restructure education or save our oceans or get people more involved in our governance. She may want to work with children or animals or the elderly or in a lab all by herself. She may dream of standing on a stage speaking to thousands or living a quiet life by a lake where she can write from morning till night.

The expression your Wise Woman takes, your contribution to the world, is YOUR unique path. I cannot tell you or show you what that path is or where it will lead, and neither can anyone else.

BUT, as your coach I can help you clear away the clutter that prevents you from hearing your Wise Woman’s voice to begin with. And I can help you to see and let go of the thoughts and beliefs that prevent you from trusting that voice enough to follow it.

Because for each and every one of us, when we are stuck in those unhealthy Little Girl patterns of wanting to please others, making everyone happy, taking responsibility for everyone’s lives but our own, and deep down feeling insecure and not enough, we cannot embody our own soul.

We cannot discern or follow our own path.

We cannot do what we are here to do and we cannot be who we are meant to be.

We feel stuck and frustrated and uninspired.

Your soul’s Wise Woman journey is uniquely your own. There are no shortcuts or 10-step plans to become who you are meant to become. No one can give you that answer for you because it is already within you.

But you must work to unearth it. To dig in the ground of your being until you find what is true, what is authentically you, and to shed everything – thoughts, patterns, behaviors, belief systems – that stands in your way of embodying and living that truth.

I have three spots remaining in my one-on-one Wise Woman Mentorship program, and for this month only I have a very special bonus offering for you. When you complete two mentorship sessions you will be eligible for a one-on-one Qoya experience with me ($222 value). This 90-minute personalized class will be created for you to embody and literally MOVE THROUGH what is coming up in your life.

If you are ready to unearth your unique and beautiful Wise Woman, to embody your feminine soul, and move from fullness and creativity, I would LOVE to speak with you. Click here for more information on my Wise Woman Mentorships, visit my website. Or to set up your free Discovery Call, click here to access my online scheduler.

 

 

The Wild Body Reclamation

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Our Dysfunctional Masculine culture has caused a rift between the mind and the body, placing the former squarely and securely above the latter. This is especially true when it comes to female bodies.

Female bodies, we are led to believe, need to be carefully managed and controlled to keep their wildish nature in check. They can only be a certain size and shape. Hairless. Wrinkle free. Perky. Plasticized. All natural bodily functions are strictly taboo and typically met with an “eww, gross” when spoken about openly.

The body’s desires, wants, and appetite are not to be trusted, but rather overcome by the almighty power of the intellect. The mind will learn from outside sources what the body is “supposed” to eat to feel healthy, or how the body is “supposed” to move to feel good, and then we discipline our bodies into submission.

To waver is weakness; willpower is king.

Let’s not even get started on the topic of sex. As a woman you either want it too much (comes back to that whole need to control female desire and appetite) or too little. You compare yourself to some standard in your head that doesn’t exist in real life, measuring how many times you have sex in a week instead of trusting your own body’s response, turn-on, and cyclical nature.

To believe that, perhaps, our wild bodies know instinctively what to eat or how to move or what a fulfilling sexual relationship feels like is a foreign concept in our mind-dominated world.

The need to control and manage the female body is directly related to man’s desire to control and manage nature. Both feel unknown, unpredictable, and chaotic to the rational mind. We seek to impose our will upon both, changing this or tinkering with that, not grasping that all of the pieces are interrelated. That there is a sweet symbiosis and balance to the ecosystem as a whole.

In the dysfunctional, black and white, either/or mode of thinking, you either carefully control the wildness or are controlled by it. Domination of the wild or destruction of self? These are your only two options; take your pick.

But, what if there was another way for us to be with both our female bodies and nature alike?

What if we slowed down the chatter in the mind and listened to the ancient wisdom that wildness has to offer?

What if we allowed ourselves time to stop producing and doing for long enough to feel and to be? To sense what lies beneath the constant busyness?

What if instead of domination and discipline, we aimed for true relationship? Not placing humans above nature, or the mind above the body (thereby replicating the Dysfunctional Masculine hierarchy), but side by side. Interwoven. Honoring that all parts are simply different threads in the same tapestry.

As women, we are hungry to integrate the wild wisdom of the body, and the greater nature of which it is a part, into our modern lives.

We are tired of being exhausted. Numbed out. Unhappy and disgusted with our bodies. Trying constantly to morph them into a more acceptable shape. Slogging through workouts that bring us no joy. Afraid to honor our appetites and what our bodies desire. Contorting and crushing our cyclical nature so that it conforms to a linear culture.

We want our bodies back.

We want our wildness back.

Hairless and hairy. Curvy and angular. Thin and voluptuous. Soft and strong.

It doesn’t matter. We know that focusing on the exterior, on what our bodies look like, is a way to keep women small and self-conscious. Preoccupied. Stuck in outdated modes of judgment and comparison.

To reclaim our wild bodies we climb back inside of them, to live and experience life through them. We re-inhabit our creative center; we gaze out from within.

And we no longer attempt to transcend our bodies or our wildness or our very lives in order to be holy and the righteous; we know in our bones that we are the Goddess…

EMBODIED.

This is the reclamation.

I have a very special, limited time offer going on right now for those of you who are yearning for a more EMBODIED life. A truly loving and nourishing relationship with your body. When you sign up for the Wise Woman Mentorship and have completed your first two sessions, you will receive the option of a 90 minute Qoya experience with me online.

This private Qoya class, tailored to what we uncover in your first two mentorship sessions, is a $222 value. I am offering it as a bonus while I am still completing my Qoya certification. That’s why, come end of August, this free offer will be no more.

For more information about the Wise Woman Mentorships, click here. To schedule your initial consultation call, to see if working one-on-one with me would be a good fit for where you are right now, visit my online calendar.

 

 

The Magical Story of Sophie’s Mystery Illness

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When I was sixteen, about midway through my sophomore year of high school, I stopped eating. It perplexed me almost as much as it did those around me, and I still don’t fully know WHY.

I simply refused to eat. Refused to nourish myself. Became anorexic.

I have spent the last five years of my life healing from that experience. For the decade+ before that, my version of healing was pretending the whole thing never happened. (As it turns out, that is not super effective nor healthy…)

Much of my process as of late has been excavating that old way of being that I tried to bury, and seeing where it is popping up in my present life.

Where is it hiding in the darkened nooks and crannies of my psyche?

Where do I desire to control in order to assuage an inner anxiety? Where do I still hold those nagging and unloving beliefs towards my body or the feminine body in general? Where do I see restriction, in any form, as holy? Where am I afraid of appetite and desire?

My dog Sophie, who is my spirit animal and one of my greatest teachers, had knee surgery a couple of months ago. Without realizing it, I fell back into many of those old patterns when it came to managing her healing process.

Control.

Anxiety.

Lack of trust.

Not wanting my husband to walk her. Not wanting to leave her in the house by herself. Watching her every move. Managing every single facet of her environment and mitigating as many risks as humanly possible. I convinced myself that this was noble and necessary! And I had a whole team of western veterinarians who supported that belief.

A week before she was set to go in for her eight weeks post-operation x-rays (which would show once and for all that the surgery was a success and that she was healing nicely), she slipped when I was playing with her. Slipping was the biggest no-no. I had laid her ball down on the rug, afraid to throw it to her, and in her exuberance she ran towards it and her whole backend went out from under her.

My eyes went wide. My pulse raced. This couldn’t happen. She couldn’t slip now. Not this close to being cleared. Not on my watch. Not because of me.

She was fine. Her leg was fine. She wanted to continue playing, but I was overcome with concern.

“Is she okay? She’s okay, right?” I pestered my husband on and off for the next few hours.

“Babe, she’s fine. Stop worrying.”

Later that night we took her for a walk. The sidewalk was a little wet from the rain we had earlier (you know where this story is going, don’t you?). We walked around the block and at the end of our street, there was a little boy skateboarding. I crossed to the other side of the street because Sophie doesn’t particularly like skateboarders.

Out of nowhere, comes Devil Cat. Okay Devil Cat is a little much, I know, but it seemed an apt name at the time. Devil Cat likes to protect the little boy and strolls right up to Sophie and hisses. Naturally, Sophie freaks out. I freak out. I am yelling and trying to pull her away. She slips again. It’s a whole fiasco, as I am cussing at the cat and attempting to drag my giant and strong dog down the street.

When I get home, I am livid. There is no poetic way to say this…I completely lose my shit. I hate the cat. I am furious at the owner. How are aggressive cats like that allowed to be outside off-leash? I storm and stomp around the house. Eric goes to pick up Indian food and in the quiet, I am hit with a startling realization.

This feels really familiar. Fuck.

This is an old, old pattern of mine. Constrict, tighten, control, until…you can’t anymore. There is always that one thing that pops up unexpectedly, the X factor that you can’t predict or control. The proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back. And that’s when I fly off the handle.

Because there is no room for it.

I try SO HARD, and yet I come up short anyhow. I hold on SO TIGHTLY, that eventually everything erupts.

Thank you, universe for showing me that. For the consciousness to see my pattern in new light. Gratitude and grace.

Except…the universe was not done with its lesson. And neither was Sophie.

Three days later, Sophie stopped eating. She vomited three times, and then refused to eat or drink. For seven straight days. I could tell how nauseated my poor girl felt by her excessive drooling, swallowing, and grass eating.

I took her to two different vets. They ran all the blood work, twice. They took x-rays. They did a full ultrasound. They recommended “exploratory surgery” (a definite “no” in my book). They tested her for Addison’s Disease. Everything came back perfectly normal.

I even spoke with an animal intuitive, something I have never done before.

“Parasite. I am getting parasite,” she said. “Western medicine is doing all it can, but it’s not working. It’s going as far as it is able to. Her condition might be more energetic in nature. You can and should be a part of her healing,” she told me.

I was at my wits end, and yet…somewhere a little voice in me said, “There is a lesson here for you.”

I could feel it, but I struggled to find it, like a light at the end of a dark tunnel.

Five days after the symptoms started, Sophie had to spend two nights at the emergency hospital hooked up to an IV for fluids. When I went to visit her in her kennel I couldn’t help but notice the sign on the glass, hand-written in purple marker:

“Sophie. Pit bull. Anorexic.”

Go figure.

That was Monday.

On Wednesday, a full week after she stopped eating, I spoke with the vet. They were still not having any luck with feeding her, and not for lack of trying. They attempted to give her every goody under the sun. She just turned her nose away.

Western medicine. It was doing all it could, and it was getting nowhere.

“I think I want to take her home,” I said, “and see if she will start eating there.”

The vet seemed uncertain (and to be honest, so was I), but we made a deal. I would take her home and see if she would start eating within 24 hours. If not, I would bring her back and they would put in an intranasal feeding tube.

We agreed that I would go get some rice, ground beef, and cottage cheese, and then come back to pick up Sophie. I also had a call with my coach that I was desperately looking forward to.

I told my coach the entire story.

“Do you find it interesting,” she asked, “that out of all the symptoms out there, Sophie stopped eating? Especially given the work that you have been doing around your eating disorder?”

“That is definitely not lost on me,” I replied. “AND, I have been seeing an acupuncturist over the last few months and one of the main things we have been working on is that my stomach energy moves up instead down. She has told me on several occasions that it surprises her that I am not nauseous more of the time…”

There was silence on the line for a few seconds.

“Linda, do you think Sophie may have taken on some of your healing for you?”

The goose bumps rose along my legs. The fact that the symptoms were so similar couldn’t be overlooked. And then it dawned on me.

The potential energetic parasite that the intuitive had mentioned…

Was it…? Could it be…?

ME???

Part of me sensed the truth of it deep down in my core, while another part (the rational part) resisted. How could this be?!?

Directly after my call with my coach, I went to pick up Sophie. My friend came over that night and did Reiki on her. She tested to see which of Sophie’s chakras were out of balance: heart and solar plexus. Then she tested me as well. At this point the results weren’t too shocking when my unbalanced chakras were identical to hers.

As Sophie slept (which she did for seventeen hours straight), I wept and petted her soft gray fur. I smelled her ears and her paws and expressed my gratitude.

“Thank you for holding this for me, baby girl. Thank you. But you can let go of it now; it’s not yours to hold. I am strong enough to hold it myself.”

I told her the story of how she picked me from the beginning. How I was meant to foster another pup in her litter, but that pup fell asleep on my co-worker while Sophie attacked my shoelace. How she got her name (it was my “French name” in 4th grade). How she has taught me so much and opened my eyes to the world of energy and magic. How I wouldn’t be who I am today without her.

How she is one of my soul mates.

How she is my guardian angel.

I ugly cried and snot ran down my face and I didn’t care. I just wanted her to be okay. I wanted her to know how much I love her and how much she means to me and how grateful I am for her.

I kept one hand on her lean body the entire night, feeling her breathing and listening to her rhythmic snores.

At noon the next day, I was supposed to call the vet and report back. At 11:30am, she still hadn’t eaten a single bite of food. Mostly, she had just slept.

I made white rice and ground beef, and fashioned them into little balls with cottage cheese. I did Qoya and danced while she lay on the futon watching me. The clock ticked away. I was conscious of every minute.

I picked up one of the balls, still dancing. My dance was my prayer. My hope.

“If you eat a single one of these rice balls, little girl, I will not take you back to the vet,” I told her. “I promise you that.”

With as much positivity and faith as I could muster, I tossed it to her.

She caught it. And chewed it. And swallowed.

I pumped both of my firsts in the air, and smiled bigger then I can remember in a long time. I tossed her another one. She ate that one too.

In that moment, I knew that she was going to be okay. That she had needed to rest. To be given permission to lay down what she had been holding. To roll in the grass and lay in the dirt and soak up the sunshine. To be in her home with the people she loves, sleeping in her own bed (aka our bed…). That too is a form of nourishment, and it should never be underestimated. And despite the best of intentions, that kind of nourishment can never come from an emergency hospital and a feeding tube.

I called the vet.

“She is eating. I won’t be bringing her back in.”

Whenever I tell this story, I can hardly believe it myself. It has such a ring of the mythic. The magical.

It feels as if one of life’s portals opened and revealed a layer much deeper than I ever knew existed. It makes perfect sense that it was Sophie who opened it. My sweet little creature has much to teach me yet.

 

My Growth Edge This Summer

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Slow down to feel more.

This is one of the mantras of Qoya.

Slow down…to feel…more.

{Pause. Inhale through your nose, now sigh the breath out of your mouth.}

Slow down to feel more.

In our modern lives, we have a tendency to rush through everything. We rush to finish one task just so that we can move onto another. The pace is hectic and the energy is frantic.

We are never really here. Savoring is out of the question. Because when we don’t slow down, we forget to even feel.

In my journal several months ago I wrote in the top margin, “The soul is never rushed.” I circled it several times for emphasis because it is a reminder that I need on the daily. It goes so against the grain of our culture, which is built on productivity, quantity over quality.

I have found that even when I don’t look at those words scrawled in my notebook, I receive the reminder none-the-less.

With Sophie’s ACL recovery and then her mystery illness and then the brutal Texas heat, she has been inviting me and showing me how to slow down. There are many mornings when I rush out the door to try and squeeze in a walk with her before the summer sun has its way with us, the sidewalks too scorching hot for her paw pads.

But on a good number of those mornings, my early walk intentions are cut short when we get to the end of our yard and Sophie lies down. And refuses to move. And that’s the end of our walk.

This is not new; she has played this game for quite some time. Before, I would attempt to drag or cajole her down the street with the promise of treats, feeling frustrated and on edge.

“Please, let’s at least go around the block,” said in a pleading voice I am not proud of.

Now though, more often than not, I sit down with her. My neighbors always wave and sometimes come for a visit when they see us out there. We sit on the lawn for twenty minutes or so, until she gets too hot or I can’t stand the mosquitoes. I won’t have my phone or anything to distract me. We just sit (and occasionally roll…Sophie, that is…).

We feel the warmth of the coming summer day, folding in gently but persistently. We listen to the coo of the white-tailed doves and the strange crackling of the grackles. On a good day, a cooling breeze will rustle the leaves on the pecan trees overhead and provide a brief, refreshing respite from the humidity. Sophie sniffs the air. I sniff the air, though begrudgingly I have yet to catch any scents of interest

{Inhale…Exhale, letting go of any tension in the shoulders. Slow down to feel more.}

I also recently started Rochelle Schieck’s course “A Call to Create.” It is a nine-month course that takes you through the entire creation process, from conception to birth (whether you are birthing a baby, a book, a new program, etc.). It was designed with such purpose and intention, with beautiful worksheets and meaningful rituals. Calls for every new moon and full moon.

In the first month I noticed my ingrained pattern of rushing immediately when I could not for the life of me wait until the full moon to listen to the second recording. Always the A-student, I did pretty much the entire month’s worth of content in less than a week. I like to work ahead!!

For a “quick start” like me, who goes from idea to action in no time at all, this course has presented quite a growth edge. Nine months to create anything seems like an awfully long time, but I can also see this is another invitation to slow down. To allow things to marinate and develop in their own timing. To dance with possibility and unfolding.

I am beginning to see how creativity doesn’t need to be this crazy burst of activity. It doesn’t need to be frantic. When I trust in my own flow, I can allow it to flow.

When I trust that everything that desires to be created will be created in accordance with divine timing, I can slow down. I can relax. I can sigh out a big ol’ exhale.

{Try that again now. Inhale through the nose, sigh it audibly out of the mouth.}

So every day, and in all the ways, this summer I am learning to slow down to feel more. It still feels strange sometimes, but I am taking it on as an exploration. A deepening embodiment of the feminine.

Listening to the pace of my body.

Allowing my soul to lead.

Reveling in every step of the dance with life.

Now through the end of August, when you complete one month of coaching (minimum two sessions) you are eligible for a free one-on-one 90-minute Qoya class with me. Are you in touch with your body? Do you know how she desires to move? What she’s hungry for? Do you allow yourself to embrace her rhythm?

Coming back home to your body is the first step to reclaiming your feminine soul. When you combine the magic of coaching with gentle, feminine movements that allow you to move from your head into your heart, something alchemizes in your soul.

I wish I had the words to explain it, but I don’t. And even if I did, it might strip some of the magic away. Part of the beauty of the feminine is allowing yourself to have the experience. To tap into the bodily knowing.

To take advantage of this limited-time offer, schedule your free 30-minute initial Discovery Call now.

 

 

Hungry for Freedom?

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For those of you in the US…Happy 4th of July!!

The upcoming holiday has had me thinking about FREEDOM, and I invite you to take a few moments to ponder how you might begin to feel more freedom in your own life.

When I was studying at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition a few years ago, I completed a plethora of health histories. The health history was the initial consultation call where I would speak to the person about their health goals, what was going on in their life, etc.

The majority of people I spoke with were women, and I soon started to notice a couple of trends that felt significant…

First, when asked what they wanted to feel more of or what they longed for, the most common answer was by and far FREEDOM.

And second, when asked about something they used to do (and love) when they were younger that they no longer do, the answer was almost always DANCING.

(Do I believe there is a correlation there? Heck yes I do! For information about more dancing opportunities, click here).

For many of us women living in the US at this time, despite the political climate, one of the most common barriers to us feeling more freedom is not outside of us. It’s not the government or the system or men.

It’s us.

While we like to believe that someone or something external is keeping us caged and trapped, the easiest – and simultaneously most difficult – part to change is ourselves.

And that’s where we must begin.

You may have some resistance to this idea at first, but the most insidious part of patriarchy is the part of it that we have internalized.

It becomes so ingrained that we don’t even see it anymore. We know of nothing else, so the voice of culture becomes the voice of reality. A piece of us that doesn’t really belong, but that has seeped in and taken root.

This holiday weekend as we celebrate our freedom as a nation, I invite you to contemplate how you can more fully embody freedom within yourself. It is very difficult to stand for something outside of yourself that you haven’t yet embodied within.

How you live your one precious life makes a difference. By you embracing and embodying freedom in your own life, you will be able to stand for it on behalf of others as well.

  • Where are you restricting your freedom? Where are you shackling yourself? We often shackle ourselves through addictions to pleasing and perfectionism. Through wanting our bodies to be somehow different than they are now. Through not taking responsibility for our own lives and identifying as a victim of our circumstances.
  • If you had total freedom – no constraints, all the time and money in the world – what would your life look like?
  • What activities make you feel free? What is it about those activities or places or people that tap into that sense of freedom for you?
  • What does freedom feel like in your body?
  • What does the opposite of freedom feel like in your body?

Often freedom can be this overblown concept, like happiness, that we are always yearning for and yet never achieving. That is because it has a tendency to be out there, rather vague, and often lifted from other people’s notions of what it entails.

So get personal and get specific. What is it for you? How can you give yourself more of that right now? What do you need to stop doing in order to feel a greater sense of freedom? What do you need to give yourself permission for?

Navigating the waters from Little Girl to embodied Wise Woman gives women the freedom to be themselves. To hear their own intuition and heart yearning. To dance to the beat of their own beautiful, internal drum. To speak their truth.

Unshackling ourselves from our Little Girl patterns, which tell us that we need to please others first and foremost, that our desires don’t matter, and that to be a “good girl” we need to fall in line, is key to uncovering our feminine wholeness and freedom.

My one-on-one coaching is an intimate mentorship where we discover the places your Little Girl patterns are surfacing in your life, and begin to shift them into the calm and confident energy of the Wise Woman. The initial Discovery Call is a free 30-minute conversation where we will uncover if coaching is right for you. Schedule yours by clicking here.

I am owning my crazy

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Crazy was one of my shadows and I projected that puppy everywhere I went. For several months last year, everywhere I looked, I saw crazy.

I saw it in politics, on TV, in the coaching community, and with those near and dear to me.

“There is a chance that person is totally crazy,” I would think to myself.

Over and over again.

Finally, I began to see the pattern. Like my husband always says, if you have a string of bad roommates, YOU are the bad roommate.

Is that what was happening here? Was I the crazy one?

I turned towards this shadow and I realized something. All the people I thought might be crazy had something else in common: they all unapologetically stood in their truth. They had their beliefs and their rituals and they were ALL IN. And they didn’t give a shit about whether I or anyone else thought it was crazy or not.

That wasn’t the case with me though.

I have changed a lot in the past few years. I am more ME now than ever, but as I have gone on this journey the stuff that wasn’t really me has shifted and fallen away. Old beliefs. Old ways of showing up in the world.

And so there was this fear. That the people who knew me then, when I wasn’t entirely myself, would think I had fallen off the deep end.

I really didn’t want to be seen in that way!! I had worked so hard for this persona!!

What I didn’t realize until that moment was how repressing my own unique flavor of CRAZY had kept me in a tight little box. I wrote articles about how I had been toeing the line, afraid to step off in either direction, and promised something different. I wanted something different, but I still couldn’t figure out what it was that was still caging me. Much like with medicine, when you don’t get to the root of something, it keeps popping back up. I felt stuck and constricted and quite like a fraud.

I am WILD feminine life coach and I couldn’t figure out how to uncage myself because I couldn’t figure out what it was that was keeping me in the cage to begin with!

Well…I know now.

It was me.

Ughs, it’s always me.

Not wanting to be seen as crazy had a couple of unintended negative consequences.

First, I wasn’t able to stand with conviction in my truth.

And second, I wasn’t able to fully own and explore my creativity.

Creativity is NEW. It’s about creating something from nothing, something that doesn’t exist in the current reality. The more creative something is, the crazier it looks from the outside!

This fear, this shadow, is what had been keeping me caged. This thinly veiled and unconscious desire to be relatively normal. It prevented me from fully jumping in. I would walk out to the end of the diving board, sit down, and dip my toes in. Then I wondered why it never felt like I was truly swimming.

To be honest, it’s not entirely gone, but at least now I can see it for what it is. I know that the only thing standing in the way of my freedom is me. I would venture to guess, that for the majority of you, the same thing is true.

We like to believe that it is something in our circumstances that holds us back, something completely out of our control. It is easier that way; it takes the onus off of us. It’s our spouse, our boss, our kids, or our bills. But it’s not. It is us and our beliefs and the choices we are making.

And that is the most humbling, and the most empowering, realization you can have.

As a coach, it is my job to help you see where you are caging yourself. Where are your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs keeping you on the diving board when you want to be ALL IN? This is what it means to embody your WILD, the Wise Woman within. This is what it means to embody the Queen; she is full and free.

My one-on-one coaching is an intimate mentorship where I will help you to wade through the murky waters and begin to see yourself and your life more clearly. Then you can begin to make truly empowering and life-changing decisions for yourself. The initial Discovery Call is a free 30-minute conversation where we will feel into whether coaching with me would be a good fit for you. To schedule your initial Discovery Call, click here.

Deep Thoughts on Desire

I recently finished Martin Shaw’s book Scatterlings and very much enjoyed it. It was deep and difficult, complicated and yet ancient at its core.

One particular quote stopped me in my tracks. Pricked me like a needle and circulated its way through my blood. It stayed with me. Haunted me.

This is that quote:

“…get back out there, was and is my council. Not as devourer, but one prepared to be devoured. The spiritual seeker who seeks nature ‘to get some healing from it’ is, surely, a subtle manifestation twice removed of those who continually use it for financial gain. We have to give up ‘to get’. No river creek responds to ‘to get’. They’ve felt the lash of that tone before.”

It stopped me in my tracks because it rang of truth. And it opened my eyes as to how insidious this desire is to GET. To take. To have. To possess.

Before I go on I must admit that desire and I have a bit of a tricky relationship. I want desire. I covet desire. As a former anorexic, both when it came to food and money, I know all too well my propensity for negating desire entirely…and it leads to a dry and brittle existence.

But desire is often interwoven with this energy of ‘to get’. And I do have a hard time when I see the desire to get stripping the earth of its resources and cluttering her waters with disposable plastic shit that brought someone joy for roughly ten minutes. Is that joy worth it? Is it enough? My instinct says no, it’s not enough. And it never will be.

What if desire was not always interwoven with this energy of GETTING? Is there such a thing? I don’t know…

The dictionary defines desire as a longing, a yearning, a craving. The feeling of lack is what creates the desire in the first place. Why is it that to want is not to have, and to have is not to want? Can we want what we already possess or is that simply not the nature of wanting?

And have our appetites, our desires, our wants spiraled out of control simply because they are repressed?

If we go back to the original quote, the desire to ‘get some healing’ from nature means there is a lack of healing (or wholeness) to begin with. We look for it outside of ourselves, whether that be from nature (as in this case) or from a doctor or a partner or whatever.

What would a desire to be in right relationship with nature look like? What would it feel like? What differentiates a desire that is sustaining and life-enhancing for all versus a momentary impulse that only gratifies one and for mere moments?

Can we untangle desire from this energy of GETTING? Can a desire truly be creative?

That is what I am sitting with on this new moon.

 

 

Super SPECIAL SUMMER Offer!

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Beautiful wild souls, I have a very special offer for you this summer. Through August, when you sign up for and complete one month of coaching (at least two sessions) you will also receive the opportunity of having one free one-on-one Qoya class with me, tailored specifically to what you are moving through in your life (a $222 value).

Trust me when I say that the combination of coaching and Qoya is alchemical magic.

They feed off one another to deepen your relationship with yourself and accelerate your transformation from Little Girl into Wise Woman.

Coaching explores your thoughts and beliefs about yourself and the world, and allows you to make monumental shifts in perspective in a short amount of time. A coach helps you see your blind spots. What erroneous crap have you accepted as truth and “reality” that is preventing you from feeling the way that you want to feel right now?

Qoya explores the realm of your body and feelings through movement and ritual. It gives you a sacred way to come back into your body and to express your entire range of emotional experience as a woman. It brings your core desired feelings out of your head and into your body.

In the words of Marion Woodman: “Wisdom combines experience with knowledge. Experience is lived through the passions of the body; knowledge is learned through the discipline of the mind. Wisdom connects body and spirit in soul.”

Through coaching with me, you will learn to know your true self. Who you are underneath the layers of pleasing. What you desire and what truly lights you up.

Through Qoya, you will experience your true self, your essence, through your physical body.

You will see how the two are intrinsically linked. Your mind, thoughts, and beliefs shape your feelings and how you energetically and physically show up.

AND how you feel, how you energetically and physically show up, shapes your thoughts and your beliefs.

YOU – your mind, your body, your soul, and your spirit – are one holistic ecosystem. A tune up in one area begins to transform other areas as well.

I am SO PASSIONATE to bring you this offering because I know from my own life how POTENT it is. From now until the end of August, when you complete two paid one-on-one coaching sessions you are eligible for a free one-on-one Qoya experience with me.

I am offering this for free for a limited time as I work towards my official certification in September.

Your Qoya experience will be 90 minutes and the theme will be tailored to what we uncover in the coaching sessions. It will allow you to FEEL and MOVE THROUGH what is coming up for you and embody what you desire to feel more of.

Qoya is open to all skill levels and you need ZERO dance or yoga experience to participate. Plus, since we will be moving in a one-on-one setting (either in-person or online via Zoom) we will be able to make adjustments for your body. The beautiful thing about Qoya is that there is no way to do it wrong, and how you know that you are doing it right is that it FEELS TRUE for you.

This offer is open to both new and existing clients. For newbies, schedule your initial Discovery Call here and simply let me know when we speak that you would like to add the free Qoya experience to your coaching package.

If you have any questions about this offering, or my regular one-on-one coaching or group Qoya classes, please email me at singingbirdhealth@gmail.com or reach me via phone at 213.509.2013.

Solstice Blessings! Celebration, Revelry, & Fullness

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Solstice Blessings, Wild Woman.

Tomorrow is the summer solstice, the longest day of the year in the northern hemisphere. Related to the full moon and ovulation, summer solstice is a time to celebrate our fullness.

For those of you who set intentions at the winter solstice or the beginning of the year, this is also a beautiful time to revisit those intentions. Have you been tending to your seeds throughout the spring? What feels like it is coming to bloom? Are there any intentions that no longer feel in alignment, or perhaps some seeds that you planted, but never nurtured?

Nature’s cycles are ripe with wisdom and metaphor.

To reap the harvest later this year, we need to keep at it. Some of us (ahem, like yours truly) are really great at planting the seeds, coming up with new ideas, and putting them into the world. We have a lot of spring and maiden energy!

During these summer months though, we are asked to cultivate our mother energy, growing from princess into queen. Our seeds – our ideas and projects – will not survive without consistent care and nurturance.

What does this look like in life? It is digging in. Carrying on. Continuing. Seeing how you can continue to show up in greater devotion to the main projects you have been working on this year.

To give you a personal example, these are a few of the projects and facets of my business and creativity that I am recommitting and devoting myself to over the coming months:

  • Continuing to tend to my one-on-one client mentorships and growing my one-on-one coaching offerings
  • Serve and facilitate my online Wildly Feminine & Free community
  • Maintaining a consistent personal Qoya practice and teaching schedule. Growing from online classes to local Austin classes as well
  • Planning a retreat for the latter half of the year that integrates the transition from Little Girl into Wise Woman with Qoya, coaching, and Desire Mapping
  • Continue to write and publish more often and explore ways to get my writing out to new audiences. This means I am submitting my work to sites like Rebelle Society more regularly and consistently, AND I am blogging several times per week. Though I still send out a weekly newsletter, I am also writing shorter pieces more often (visit the BLOG now)

I share this with you because I want to ground these ideas in the practical, physical world. Working with the cycles of nature is such a beautiful way to infuse more reverence and meaning into your projects and endeavors, but it’s also one of the most practical and helpful tools out there! It was the planner before planners became a THING.

Nature teaches us when to plant the seeds, tend to the seeds, prune the plants, reap the harvest, and allow the old to fall away for a new cycle to begin.

I also know that for me to feel fulfilled, I need to continue to honor my spring energy as well. There are always new ideas cooking in the old noggin, and I LOVE that about myself. But by shifting into my Queen Mother energy I also become conscious of not simply jumping from project to project without bringing any to fruition.

Other ways that you can play with this summer energy is by tapping into your fullness and your more extroverted side.

Get in touch with the fullness of your body through a movement practice like Qoya.

Express gratitude for all the blessings you already have in your life through a Despacho gratitude ceremony or by writing a thank you letter to the universe.

Celebrate a sacred union by making sweet love under the dark moon.

Take joy in friendships by going out to dinner with your sisters. Maybe even have a glass of wine or two, if that sounds good to you. The theme for solstice is REVELRY! This was a day and night of celebration for our ancestors. Let’s honor them by letting loose a bit.

Embrace nature by going for a hike or for those of you living in a climate like Austin, go for a SWIM in a natural watering hole.

Have the best day ever and do ALL of the above!! Or spread them out throughout the summer months to infuse this full Queen energy into everything you do.